I don't know what to name this post.

There is a lot of uproar on social media and in the news today because a man of God defended his beliefs.  I understand where he is coming from because I was brought up in a Christian home, but I have to say that they never really covered the homosexual topic in Sunday school so I am not educated enough in what the bible actually means when it comes to this subject.

I am not a homosexual so I am not capable of weighing in from the perspective of loving a member of the same sex as I love my husband.  I am a firm believer that if I do not have anything worthwhile to add to a discussion I do not pipe in.  However, I keep having these verses pop into my head so I am going to weigh in.

Proverbs 6:16-19
There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

To me, this is pretty clear.  These are the things he HATES!!!!  He finds the last one DETESTABLE!!!
Let's break them down...

Haughty eyes:  The word haughty means arrogant, disdainful and setting oneself above others, so if you were to look at someone, not even meaning to, with a look of disdain....I'm pretty sure I see this every day in the pick up line, I'm pretty sure I've even done this in the pick up line.

A lying tongue: This one is pretty clear.  A lie is a lie is a lie.

Hands that shed innocent blood: Okay, hopefully none of my friends have to deal with this one but it is on the list so there you go.

A heart that devises wicked schemes.  Wicked is a pretty strong word but have you ever fallen prey to revenge?

Feet that are quick to rush into evil.  Evil is pretty strong too but could be interpreted to be something as simple as a hateful act toward someone who has wronged you.  You may feel you are perfectly in the right but if you don't just let it go this is a thing that God hates.

A false witness who pours out lies.  Pretty self explanatory.

A person who stirs up conflict in the community.  This last one...it's the one that is detestable to God.  Detestable.  adjective. 1. inspiring or deserving abhorrence or scorn.  Synonyms: disgusting, hateful, awful.  It too is pretty self explanatory.

God calls us to love, not to judge.   This is my weigh-in.

The 12 days of Christmas

Can we talk for a moment about the song "The 12 days of Christmas"?

I love this song.  I love the parodies people have made of it.  I love it in general but I do have a few questions.  So, here we go.

1. Is this really a wish list that anyone would really want from their "true love"?  I mean seriously if you break it down mainly you just have poultry, some artsy fartsy people and a bit of jewelry.  I pretty much see it as day 5 was the only day that was really productive for the "true love".

2. My entire life I thought they were saying 4 calling birds, and in my defense if you listen to the muppets version with John Denver I'm pretty sure they were in agreement with me, but when you look it up it is actually 4 collie birds.  The collie bird is a common black bird.  Apparently the true love went cheap with day 4.

3. After the "true love" provides no less than 23 birds to the object of affection he moves into people.  PEOPLE!!!  Who gives a person as a present?   I mean except for the random stripper, of course.  I personally don't care for someone milking anything as a gift.   I will go so far as to say if my true love were to take the 9 ladies dancing, 10 lords a leaping, 11 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming and put them together for a lovely flash mob of some sort then that right there would most definitely be on my wish list because Mama loves a good flash mob!!

Merry Christmas my friends!!!

Spread joy to those around you.

Today my friend Stacey, who always sends me videos that make me cry like a baby, sent me this gem, and it got me thinking.  My train of thought on this one was a wild ride so I will try to wrangle it in.  Let's start at the beginning.

My first impression from this video is "Way to go Westjet".  I thought how wise they were to spend their advertising dollars in such a way that it directly affected some of their passengers.  The posted video would bring smiles to millions and put forth a positive impression of their company working just like a 2 minute commercial would have, probably costing the same, and in the process genuinely making the day of a few hundred people.  Love.

The next stop on this ride was how I started thinking about what a wonderful company Westjet must be to work for.  I am always impressed with companies that realize that people are important.  Not only customers, but also employees.  It is my opinion that a company that realizes that happy employees make for good production will be a successful one.  Whether it is providing them with bonus' or benefits or even so far as above and beyond like childcare or massages whatever it is keeping your employees needs in mind will benefit you.

Next stop? Why is it that we don't always translate this same lesson into our home life?  Why is it that the people that live with us 24/7 are the ones that we give our crappiest to?  Because they love us and will understand?  Because they don't care?

Wrong. Our families should receive the best of us.  They are the ones that will be there in 50 years.  They are the ones that are forced to be with us on our good and bad days.  They know us better than anyone else and yet they love us anyway.  Be good to the people that live with you.

I wish I did need the services of Westjet because I am throughly impressed with their way of thinking.
Go out and spread some love people.

The tale of a brunette and a pumpkin muffin.

I am writing this entry to honor all my friends who are highly intelligent blondes and have gotten a bad rap for a few ditzy light haired individuals that because of their actions have created the whole "Blonde joke" phenomenon.  Here is my story.

I love pumpkin muffins.  I specifically love Einsteins brothers pumpkin muffins that are really more like a pumpkin cupcake with cream cheese frosting.  Every year they come out at the end of August and then by the middle of November they slowly run out and do not reorder so they are typically gone before Thanksgiving.  I know this.  I'm not proud of it but I do.

So, this afternoon when I hadn't eaten all day and I had picked the kids up from school I thought, hey!  I can go to Einsteins and maybe there will be a pumpkin muffin left.

I entered the store.  In the case were 3 beautiful, even if they were lightly frosted pumpkin muffins.  I placed my order and then said "and a pumpkin muffin."  The BRUNETTE working the register said we don't have pumpkin muffins anymore we are all out.  I said What?  She said We have sold out of them for the season and we will not be replacing them?  I said so the three that are in the case they aren't for sale?  She looked at the case.  (Here is where she could have saved herself but alas no.) She could see the pumpkin muffins, obviously for sale, she said in a rude almost contemptuous voice We are out of pumpkin muffins.

Luckily, I didn't have to get my ugly out.  The manager who is a friend of mine (this may or may not have something to do with my love of pumpkin muffins) came over and said to the girl Yes, we do we have three.  She said but you said that we weren't going to order anymore pumpkin products.  He said well, no we aren't but we would like to sell the ones we have.

Wow.

(The pumpkin muffin pictured above is not the one from today.  The one pictured above has the perfect amount of frosting and the person who was responsible for this little bit of fabulousness should be given some sort of medal.)

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda.

Does anyone else have little things that they wish they had done?  Not really regrets because then you wouldn't be where you are today but things that you wonder how life would be different if you had stuck with them?  I do.

1. I love to sing.  I used to have a pretty nice voice.  I was in choir and ensembles and I loved to sing and for people to tell me what a nice voice I had.  Well, I lost it.  Now don't get me wrong I can still whip it out when need be but I don't sing as much as I used to.  I don't know why.  I know where the downfall started.  It was born out of vanity.  I mustered every ounce of courage I had to sing in a talent show.  I thought I did ok but I didn't win.  It wounded me somehow.  I guess I felt like I wasn't good enough and from that point forward I just didn't find the joy in singing that I had always found.  I went off to college and I didn't join the choir.  I didn't technically know how to read music and I didn't want to be embarrassed.

How sad.  Singing brings me joy.  I allowed my own vanity to rob me of joy.  Stupid.

2. I wanted to be a teacher.  I was the President of the Future Teacher's of America.  I thought it would be a wonderful profession.  I don't even know why this one didn't happen, but right now I am so weary of picking up messes and correcting and what not that at this point in time in my life I'm just not there.

3. I wanted to be the next Diane Sawyer.  I have a resume tape to prove it.  I was really bad but I have the resume tape to prove that too!

I guess the point of this post is to touch on the fact that we all have shortcomings.  We all have things in our lives that we wish we had done differently.  I want to not focus on the fact that I have failed at something I want to focus on what I can do in the future to bring joy.  Not only for myself but for others as well.

Want to know a secret?  I want to be a motivational speaker or story teller.  I love to make people laugh.   I realize that at this season of my life I am currently not at liberty to devote so much of my time to a dream but I just wanted to write down on paper that it is in there, that hope in the back of my head.  I would love to get up on a stage and stand before thousands of people and make them come together through laughter.  I don't know how I'm going to get there but I want to do it, and I wanted to say it out loud so that maybe just maybe someday it could happen.

Parable in a lunch time rush.

My day was a harried at best.  I knew the errands I had to run and on paper they really shouldn't have taken that long, but that was not cyphering in the lunchtime factor and the fact that A. It is friday. B. Nothing goes fast at lunch time on friday.  I made it to all the places I needed to go but not without two lovely tales to tell and lessons to be learned from them.

1. I walked into the post office and I was extremely excited to be the 2nd person in line and two postal clerks working.  This should go fast I naively thought to myself.  My attention was drawn to 60's plus woman number 1.  She was attempting to mail a package.  She wanted it insured for $500.  It was a cell phone for her daughter who had dropped her phone in a canal in Italy.  Her daughter has lost no less than 5 phones and the mother has repeated this process every time.  She doesn't understand how her daughter could be so careless.  She repeated all of which I told you just now over and over in different orders and loudly so that all could hear.  How her daughter was in Italy.  How she was the person who had to keep buying these phones to replace the ones that had been lost in a canal.  How she wanted it insured for FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!

Anyone want to take a jab at what I'm bothered with in this scenario?  No, it is not that I have now officially been in line 20 minutes.  The age of this woman says to me that this careless phone dropper is at the very least in her 20's.  If she has indeed lost 5 phones, why is this mother replacing the phones so easily?  Why is she expected to drop what she is doing and OVERNIGHT  a phone to Italy?  Which by the way the post office can not do.

At first I wanted to smack the woman for holding us all up with her questions and her uncertainty but I quickly was more frustrated with this girl who from Italy was effecting my life because of her carelessness.    Lesson here...your actions have ramifications.  Be ye kind to those around you.

2. Since I'm just standing in line waiting for either one of the postal clerks to finish up I have time to look around and observe.  In front of me stands another 60 plus woman in brand spankin' new jeans.  Want to know how I know they were brand spankin' new?  You know how with jeans they put these long sometimes white sometimes clear stickers on the pant of the leg with the size over and over again so that no matter how they are folded you can read the size?  Well, hers was white and it was very much still in place right next to a 5 x 7 sticker with all the attributes of this particular pair of jeans.  Tummy control, hidden stretch no gap waist band, all written clear as you please on this woman's rear for all to read.  So, I very discreetly walked over to her and whispered..You forgot to remove the sticker from your jeans.

Now, if some stranger told me this I would be thrilled.  A. I'm never going to see them again so who cares.  B. I would be more embarrassed if someone I knew found it.  Was this woman appreciative?  Was she kind?  Oh, heavens no.  Now, I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting because it would be embarrassing but at the very least a little humility.  This woman was hateful and rude about it.  I wished I hadn't told her.  I will say that when she ripped it off she only got one of them so I didn't make it a point to point out the other one.  Boo yah!   Lesson here...your actions have ramifications.  Be ye kind to those around you.  :)

Have a great day!

Washington listen up!!!

I'm not a political person.  I can not stand it when my husband is watching those news shows where the "experts" are arguing over this or that and what was meant and what the ramifications will be if person A does this to person B.  I could care less.  I hate drama.  I hate arguing.  I apparently hate government.

I don't though, that's just it.  I love the foundation by which our country was built on.  I love the people that make up our country.  I am humbled by those men and women that sacrifice each and every day to make sure that our freedoms are protected.

Today I went to a Veteran's day program at my children's school.  I sat there with tear filled eyes at things like the Pledge of Allegiance and the Star Spangled Banner.  I am proud to be an American.  I am thankful for the many freedoms that are afforded me because of all the men and women who for centuries have been making decisions that are for the good of our fine country.

So, that leads me to what's wrong now?  Our forefathers have argued since day one over what is right and what is best for our country.  What is different now that they can't come to a conclusion?  I think it is time for our officials to reboot.

My suggestion would be for all of our Congressmen and Senators to go home.  Go home and talk to your people.  Not the business leaders with deep pockets or the local government.  I mean go home and talk to the Veterans, the school teachers, the nurses, the volunteer coaches, the person that works a full time job and volunteers in the community the hours of a full time job.  Talk to the people who are having to take your policies and make them work and ask them what the kinks are.  Ask them what would work better, and then go back to Washington and fight for that.

I sat in that Veteran's program knowing that America will be okay, because while the decisions that higher government is making could harm us it won't change who we are.  We are a helping hand, we are a pat on the back, we are a lifeline, and while just like anything else we have our bad spots you can't dwell on that.  Corruption, greed, and selfishness are all going to rear their ugly head in Washington.  Put on the armor of what is good and stay strong fighting for what is right for the next 200  years and beyond.

God Bless America!

All the single ladies!

A friend of mine recently posted a blog entry that included 5 questions that single people are tired of hearing.  I was appalled at the forwardness of the questions but she assures me that they are real and are asked frequently.  So, because I adore this woman and I find her life to be a completely fantastic journey.  I would like to take a moment and have her back if you don't mind.  You might want to back up because I'm about to open a can.

Question number 1.  What's wrong with you?
(Now, just imagine me popping from behind her with something like this.)
What is wrong with her?  What is wrong with you!  Who, in their right mind walks up to another human being and asks what is wrong with them?  You assume because she has not found a spouse that means she has not found happiness?   I would present that unless you are able to find happiness within yourself without the help of another person you are not yourself happy so...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?! Why can't you be happy without a husband?  I would like to add would you walk up to a biker dude with more leather than skin and tattoos completely covering his person and ask what's wrong with him?  He's not like you so if we are being fair here you totally should.  Mainly just because I think a good punch in the face would help your situation.

Who will take care of you when you are old?
Ok.  Now this is a legitimate question.  Albeit random but it is also legitimate.  However, this isn't just for the single people on the planet.  Just because you can procreate does not make you a good parent, and just because you have children does not necessarily mean that they are going to take care of you when you are old.  If you are this forward with a friend my guess is you are just as intrusive with your kids so I would prepare thyself for a home baby!

Do you like men?
Again.  Random.  Is this to assume that because you have not found a spouse then the only other obvious answer is that you are gay?  Seriously?  My friend has been busy getting a doctorate, working on building her career whether or not she likes men is irrelevant.  Why don't you ask her if she has time for men?

You're not being too picky are you?
Oh honey.  This one doesn't even deserve a response but here goes.  Are you aware that the divorce rate in America is over 50%?  Do you realize that that means that 50% of the couples out there have decided that the spouse that they went with was not worthy of staying with?  So, if I am taking my time, and I am taking care to make sure that each decision in my life is made with intention so that I will  be able to live a life that has little regret then sure I'm picky.

What happened?
This one is short and sweet.
I was way too busy making a name for myself that I didn't have time to take someone elses!

To all my friends that have not found a spouse or are not currently in a relationship.  Live this day to its fullest.  Know that you alone are enough.  You alone are fabulous, and if anyone asks you any of these questions ever again please have me on speed dial because I have some aggression I would love to get out.

Entitled.

I've been hearing the word entitled bandied about a lot lately.  First off, I want to go on the record as stating that it is my firm belief that if you would live your life feeling that you are entitled to nothing then contentment is sure to follow.

Let's talk about where I have heard this lovely little word that is now on my least favorite words list almost topping infested but not quite.

1. I hear it in the news.  I hear people talking about how because we pay taxes we are entitled to this or that.  Sure, you can think that way but I can guaran-dang-tee you that you will never be fully satisfied with the way your tax dollars are being spent.  I would also go as far to say that if you were allowed to see how your hard earned money is being wasted a lot of the time you would throw up.  You can't look at it that way, you will drive yourself crazy.  It's just like the electric bill or the water bill, you just have to pay it.  Now sure , there are ways that you can not pay as much by turning off lights or taking only 20 second showers but for the most part it is what it is.  There have always been taxes they are there to fund programs that we need for safety, education, and well-being.  If you are concerned as to how those funds are being spent then by all means please become an educated voter or run for office but don't go around complaining about how you should be receiving more for your tax dollars because that is a mute point.

2. My children go to a private school.  People pay a lot of their hard earned money for their kids to go there.  I get it.  This is our 8th year there and we have 2 kids.  It is often a topic of conversation between my husband and I as to if we are making the right choice.  We feel that it is.  What I hate to hear is "I pay a lot of money to go to this school!"  Yes, we all do!  I especially hate it when it is in reference to why they don't want to follow the rules.  I shouldn't have to sit in a pick up line I pay a lot for my kids to go here!!  I pay a lot for my kids to go here why do I have to wait to hear which teacher they got?  It drives me insane!!  Rules are put into place so that there will not be anarchy.  When you are trying to organize 1,000 + students and their parents all at the same time there has to be some sort of structured process or it is not going to flow.  If you do not like dealing with crowds then by all means homeschool.

3. My personal favorite are the people who their very existence is one of entitlement.  They need the best spot at the grocery store, they need to not have to wait in a line EVER, they need to have the best when they want it or 10 minutes before no questions asked.  I can't deal with these people.  The only thing I can even think to say is that their mamas didn't raise them right.  I can only assume that these are the little boys and girls who never did anything wrong.  Who would cry in the grocery store to get what they want and were never told no.  I'm sorry but there is probably no hope for these people and all I can suggest is avoid them like the plague.

I'm not really sure where to leave you with this post.  Live your life as if every single thing is more than you deserved and I can guarantee that you will be happy.

Have I told you where I got this scar from?

Every morning when I get out of the shower I notice it.  It's a 4 inch scar on my stomach that came from one morning when I had just gotten out of the shower and I could hear the timer on the oven going off.  I was home alone and had put a batch of cookies in to bake while I was showering.  I knew I had to get them out or they would burn so I ran to the stove free as you please to get the cookies out.  I was home alone.  No one was ever going to know.  Until.

I grabbed the tray out of the oven turned and tripped, the edge of the hot pan touched my bare skin and branded me for life.  It's not necessarily a bad thing you know.  To have a scar.  A scar will remind you of a different time in your life.

It might have been a bad time and the lesson to be learned is that you were strong and you survived it.  It might have been a fun time that ended poorly and now you can look back on it and laugh.  Whatever the story is behind your scar it is a part of you.  It is something that happened to you and only you.

I have a friend.  She has a little girl.  To say that this person is over protective is to say that the Grand Canyon is a nice ditch. I will see her following her child around within a fenced backyard as if she is made of the finest crystal and if she touches ANYTHING she might explode.  The little girl said to me once, I'm shy!  I wanted to say No, honey you're not shy.  Just by telling me you're shy says that you are not!!

If you have been entrusted with the care of a child it is a huge responsibility, but please remember part of teaching them how to learn is to teach them how to fail.  You will not always be there to protect them or clean up after them.  Everything is not going to be perfect when they are small it's ok!  They have to start somewhere.

I am the worst!  I can't cook with my children because as they are willy nilly with the different ingredients all I can think is I'm going to have to clean that up.  I just keep reminding myself that you learn by making mistakes.  You have to crack the egg a few times to find out how to do it without getting shells in the cake.

The other night I was at a bonfire with my husband's family.  We were all to bring a story.  I was reminded of mine by the large scar it left on my face.  I can tell you the story to the tiniest of details.  I remember everything.  Now, a lot of things have happened to me in my life but it seems that the ones that have left scars are the ones that stick out.

Just remember to allow your child to have a few scars, it's good for them!

Breast Cancer...BOOOOOO!!!!

A friend recently received some life changing news.  She has breast cancer in both breasts and is in need of a double masectomy.

Now, I am the type of person that ALWAYS uses humor to cheer my people up.  I have thought all day about what I could do or say to take her mind off of the inevitable.  I thought about going the route of "Why is it that men don't have a mammogram equivalent?  They could call it the Manogram and squish their boys."  However, this made me cringe more than it did laugh.  I mean everyone knows that women handle pain a lot better than men do and while mammograms hurt we have already had our girls yanked on in so many different ways that it just doesn't seem as bad as squishing the family jewels.

Then I thought of writing some meaningful sonnet about how I am here for her and whatever she needs she can find in me, but that sounded way weird and while we are friends and all we aren't dating and that just seemed to be a bit much.  I mean I want to be there for my friends and of course I would be, but there is a line that should not be crossed without some sort of restraining order being issued.

My next plan of attack was I will make her dinner.  I got really excited about this prospect.  I made my dad's famous spaghetti, I was so excited to call and let her know that she could take her mind off dinner tonight because I have got it covered for her.  Then I tasted the sauce.  I'm not sure if I left salt out all together or what happened but this stuff is not my dad's famous spaghetti and to be quite honest I think she is suffering enough.

So, I've got nothin' no witty standup bit, no meaningful note, no delicious dinner.  What I do have is this.  I don't know what you are going through but I do know that you will never be alone.  I can't tell you what it is going to feel like or what is around the next corner  but I can tell you that I can listen.  I'm not going to be the type of person that makes you rehash it every time I run into you because if it were me I would want times where everything is just as it was before this huge load of crap was dropped in my lap, but please understand this.  My not mentioning it is not that I don't care.

I want to say it's going to be okay.  I want to say this sucks.   What I will end on is God has a plan in all of this.  He knows exactly what he is doing.  You are a blessing and light to so many.  May that be returned to you in this your time of need my friend.

Watch what you say.

I am overweight.  I haven't always been overweight.  Growing up I was pretty well lined up with a nice size for my height and when I went to college all of my "numbers" were excellent according to my health teacher of my mandatory elective freshman year.

I'm not sure exactly what happened after I went away to college.  I assume it was that I was then responsible for my dining choices whereas before I left for college I just ate whatever my mother put in front of me.   I gained and lost all throughout college and then when I was engaged to be married I plummeted.  I wasn't trying.  I think it was just the stress of planning a wedding and was I making the right decision for THE REST OF MY LIFE. I don't know what it was but I look back at those pictures and even though I thought I was fat I was a stick.

After my first child, I was able to get back down to a nice weight before I figured out I was pregnant again and then after the birth of my second child I have to say it has all been up hill from there.  I have gradually increased over the last few years to the point that I am now at the weight I was when I gave birth to my first child.  Not good.

I am conscious of it.  I am trying to get it off, but in my 40's it just isn't as easy to come off as it was in my 30's.  I am faced with weird hormonal changes and depression which I have never been confronted with before.  I am extremely hard on myself and while I might show a happy spirit to the world I am really struggling with this.

One of my pleasures in life is food, so when I take a pleasure away from myself it makes me sad which leads to more depression and its just a vicious cycle.

The thing is though that I can't do this anymore.  I don't want to be this size.  You are treated differently when you are overweight.  I never thought it to be true but it totally is.

I guess the reason I am writing this is that I have something I want to say.  I am not sure how this process is going to look for me, with a bum ankle my workout regime is going to be limited at best.

However, I want you to remember as you go about your day.  You never know what people are struggling with.  Be it weight, or insecurities, be it infertility or loneliness you have no clue what someone you run into is struggling with.  So don't take their negative attitude personally.  If they are hateful to you then be the more mature person and realize it might have nothing to do with you, and all that person might need to turn their life around is a kind word.

I would also like to take this moment to say that if your BMI is in the normal range and you come at me with blah blah blah I'm fat or blah blah blah my butt is big. I will not be responsible for the jack slap that will be taking place.  I've got 50 pounds to get off.  So...bite me.

Waxing Woes.

I have decided that I need to put this out there.

The other day I was feeling rather beastly and decided that I was going to attempt to wax my own legs. The commercial looked easy enough.  The model slid that wax on her legs as if she were spreading softened butter on them.  It was even and smooth and in a perfect rectangle.

She then placed the provided piece of material over the wax and rubbed once or twice and then effortlessly pulled the whole nine yards off her leg without wincing or in any way showing any sort of reaction other than a happy smile that her leg was now hair free.

First off I just want to point out that she had no hair on her legs to begin with so I'm not even sure why this princess thinks she has a problem but whatever.

She repeated the whole process and then slapped on her short skirt and jumped on the back of a motorcycle and rolled on down the road of life.  It could happen.

No, no it could not.  What they don't tell you is the reality that was what I was dealing with and I truly wish I had video taped the whole thing because it would have brought joy to the masses.

First off,  in order for this process to be anywhere near successful you have to spend at least a month growing out your leg hair, and being of the dark haired nature I was looking pretty much like Sasquatch by the time the waxing day rolled around.

The first round of this endeavor was pretty much like what you see in the commercial and you are thinking cool, I can do this but what they don't tell you is that the wax will get on your fingers which will attach itself to EVERYTHING YOU COME IN CONTACT WITH!!  By the end of the first leg I had about 4 of the used strips randomly attached to me.  By the end of the second leg it was getting caught in the hair on my head and the whole thing was pretty ugly.

It did work and I do highly suggest waxing but in about an 1/16th of the time you could make an appointment, walk into a professional and achieve the same affect without ever having to spend brain cells trying to figure out what chemical you can find in your house to get this stuff off of you.  There should have been a bottle of remover in the box you say?  Sure, there was, but it only contained 5 drops and my problem was much larger than that.  That's like taking a dollar bill to Disney World thinking you are going to come home with change!!

Have a great day!!!

Comebacks to a stupid person.

I have a friend who was upset recently because a co-worker had told her that they didn't like her.  Now, my first impression is why say that?  Why even go there?  There are going to be things and people in this world that you don't like, it is inevitable you don't have to put more ill will out into the universe by voicing your opinion.  It serves no positive purpose.

If it is your mindset that  you should not have a filter on every thought that comes out of your mouth might I suggest that you are mistaken.  Your mean and hateful spirit creates a chain reaction of hurt feelings that will eventually come back to bite you.

To my friend I want to give some ideas of things she can say the next time some one is hurtful to her.

The next time some one says to you "I don't like you." I want you to rip out this list and pick one.  Okay?

1. I'm not surprised.  I'm an acquired taste for a refined pallet.
2. Well, on a planet of billions of people there had to be at least one.
3. You're mean.
4. You don't know me.
5. All of me or just a particular part?  I'm not fond of my______ it causes people to stare.
6. I don't like tomatoes...I love it when we share...your turn.

The next time you are about to speak and the only thing that is going to fly out of your mouth is something hateful and rude I want you to remember that you have no clue what is going on in this person's life that is about to receive your full venom.  Swallow that bitterness down and remember, life is hard.  We are all on this planet together.  Be Kind people!!!

I don't even know who you are!

I was in an elementary school that I had never been to before today.  I didn't know very many people, come to think of it the only person I did know drove there with me.  This is an awkward position for me to be in.  I love people.  I love to talk to people.  I love to laugh with people, but when I don't know anyone I tend to get quiet and shy.

So, when to my surprise I noticed a little boy that had grown up with my daughter in church youth group I got excited.  I had served snack to this child for years, he should know who I am.  However, when I said hello to him and called him by name do you want to know what his response was?  A very hateful....Who are you?  I said, Ms. Erika from church?  He then repeated with even more hatred I don't even know who you are!  I gave a few more examples of how he should know me and yet nothing but a blank stare.

I got mad.  I was hurt.  How dare he be so rude to me!  Brat!  Jerk!  All of this venom was building up inside of me, and then I realized something.

At the end of this life.  When all is said and done.  Will I have lived a life where Jesus will turn to me and recognize me or will he say to me I don't know you!?  Will I throw up things like...You remember me, I was in church every Sunday!  You know me, I went to church camp!  You know me, I taught Wee worship to 3 and 4 year olds for years!

Will he recognize me?  Will he say Well, done good and faithful servant or will he say I never knew you.

This little burst of adrenaline today has brought the thirst for a closer relationship with Christ, a want for  a stronger bond and broader knowledge of his word.  I choose to forget about my annoyance to the child and use it as a spring board to a better life for me.

Just so you know, as I was sitting there saddened and hurt and looking down I heard the beautiful tones of a familiar voice.  MS ERIKA!!!   I looked up to see a little girl from our youth group.  Now that is what I want to hear on judgement day!!!

Well done my good and faithful servant.

Driving is soooooo a big pet peeve of mine.

I'm not going to say the city that I was in yesterday because I'm pretty sure that this list would apply to any city on this fine planet of ours, but I would just like to add a few classes for the Board of Education to review for their Driver's Education program.

1.  Merging 101

2. What the sign "Lane ends merge right/left" means to me.

3. Why driving 90 miles an hour in torrential rain is not a good "choice".

4.  Proper use of your horn. ( No, that is not a euphemism)

5.  How to work together with fellow traffic jam mates to teach that jerk a lesson.

6.  A traffic jam on a hill is not a good time to learn how to drive a stick shift.  

7. Proper use of many four letter favorites.

8. When stuck in a traffic jam just say no to your gas pedal.  

9. Don't be a lane jumper!!

10. If we can all just work together for good we will all get there much sooner!!  

Never in my life have I seen such stupidity on the highway.  Remember my zipper analogy.  If you try to do the merge improperly your zipper will get stuck and jam JUST LIKE TRAFFIC!!!! 1 to 1 ratio!!!!

My list of wants...

I have decided to make a wish list for myself.  A bucket list would be nice but that's another entry.

I would like to become more physically fit.
I would like to lose some weight.
I would like to dress nicer and be able to apply make up that looks realistic yet subtle.
I would like to be a kinder more compassionate individual.
I would like to be able to cook flawlessly.
I would like to get rid of my front butt.
I would like to make sure I never achieve crotch cleavage.
I would like a back that is flat and not very similar to my front sans nipples.
I would like to be slow to anger.
I would like to be known as trust worthy, accountable, and a friend
I would like to know the difference between effect and affect without having to think about it.
I would like to not have raging hormones that make me feel depressed, lonely and less than.
I would like to surround myself with people that understand the healing properties of laughter.
I would like to always have eyebrows.
I would like to change the lives of strangers with kindness without even knowing it.
I would like to always be content.


It is a hard world with many horrible aspects to it.  Don't add to the awfulness, but instead be a light in the darkness.  Have a wonderful day my friends.

A progression of annoying events.

Exercise class this morning was a bit....challenging.  Not because of the workout but because of HER!

There is a woman who gets there 15 minutes late and then shoves herself into a spot that she never fits in.  Not because of her size but because of the general flailing that one does whilst exercising.  Guess where she decided to squeeze herself.  1 step in front of me.  Hear my words, not one space in front of me...1 step in front of me.  I could touch her without leaning forward and sadly I'm not exaggerating.  I told her there wasn't room she moved one more step forward.  Not helpful.

Have you ever been able to feel yourself getting mad?  Like if you do not remove yourself from a situation you are going to do something that will embarrass you and possibly harm someone?  Yeah, I was there so I left class early, and proceeded upstairs to the weight room to get some of my aggression out.

You know who goes to the weight room at 8:30 in the morning?  Typically senior citizens.  I was thrilled.  No meat market, and most people were there for a little workout....until....I noticed HIM!!!

He was probably early 40's and was bragging about his ability to lift and talking very loudly about how much he could lift and could someone spot him.  He proceeded to tell the individual all about how he was out of shape but that he could still lift more than most and how his extra weight came from trying to juggle all that was on his plate.  He loudly spoke of how much he loved flea markets and getting shampoo for a dollar and how he could get a charger for his iphone for pretty cheap and he isn't sure if it's stolen or not but at The Walmart those things are like $20.

(Can we stop for a second?  Why do people call it The Walmart?  It's Walmart.  Why add The?)

Again we are headed down the road of my blood pressure rising.  I'm sitting there being forced to listen to a conversation I have no interest in...trust me I tried to move.  So, I left.

I had done enough to sweat so I felt like I had accomplished my task and if I didn't get out of there I was going to most certainly punch someone.

Then you know what happened?  A friend called to check on me.  She had seen me walk out of class and just wanted to make sure that I hadn't hurt myself.  Turned my day around.

Lesson learned today?  Ok. I've started to type like 12 different things.  The gist is there are going to be people that are not like you in this world, that annoy the snot out of you, just remove yourself from their presence and find things that make you smile, and no it can not be you visualizing punching them in the face.  (I've tried it, just frustrates you that you can't do it.)

Have a great day!!

A funeral can say a lot about how you lived.

I haven't attended many funerals in my life but I have made several observations at the ones I have attended.

I've been to funerals where there was hardly anyone there.  This says to me two things...

1. The person was so old they outlived all of their friends.
2. The person didn't have any friends.  This can happen pretty easily you know.  We get so caught up in the rat race that can be life and not take time for the wants or needs of others.  We can so easily justify self centeredness by saying that the things we are putting on high priority will stop the earth's rotation if they don't get done.  When was the last time you didn't have an agenda?  When was the last time you had friends over not caring about the clock?  Do you even have friends that when they come over they have seen your house in its "natural" state? I want my home to be a place where people are comfortable enough to get up and get into the refrigerator to get themselves a drink.  Where people can lay down for a nap on the couch.  Where children play in the yard while adults sit and talk on the deck until the mosquitoes start to get annoying.

We share this planet with billions of people and yet at the end of our life no one shows up?

I've been to funerals where everyone in attendance knew everyone else.

Now.  You might think that this is a good thing but hear me out.  How often do you branch outside your comfort zone to make new friends?  Maybe they know each other because you are just that good at involving everyone you know in your life or is it that you found a group of friends that thought the same way you thought and you stuck with them for 80 years?  I'm not saying it's a bad thing but I am saying if you went into an ice cream store and you always got the same flavor every time you would be missing out on some pretty excellent flavors.

I've been to funerals where there was a line around the building, there were pockets of familiar people, and no one was really crying.

This is how I want my funeral to be.  I want my funeral to have laughter.  I want there to be people from every chapter in my life who cared enough to take the time to come tell my family how much I meant to them.  I want there to be funny stories, sweet stories and joy.  Joy at a funeral?  Yes, because I am on my way home and I want my family to know that where I am going is a much better place than this earth.

I hope to live a long life, in which I can touch many lives with joy.  I am fully aware that there will be stages in my life where I can get out there as much as others but I hope that at the end of the ride it all evens out.

Whining about Wine.

Why is it that just because I don't have a taste for alcoholic beverages I am shunned?

I don't drink.  I never have.  It isn't that I am a prude or anything I just genuinely do not enjoy the taste for the stuff.  Can someone explain to me how this makes me shunnable?  I would think this would make me an excellent catch when it comes to a friendship because HELLO!!!  I am the ultimate designated driver!  But NO!!!  Apparently people are offended by my choice to not drink.  Why is that?  I'm not offended by your choice to drink.  Have at it!  I could care less if you get three sheets to the wind, in some cases it makes for some people being way more interesting than they actually are so pour it on baby!!

I have been told that my choice to not drink is rude.  How's that?  It makes people uncomfortable you say?  Explain that one!  Why do you care what is in my glass?  As long as I'm not letting one rip ever two seconds or scratching myself in highly inappropriate places I would think I was fine! Nope.  Rude.

Seriously!?  Trust me.  I'm weird enough sober.  You do not want me to add alcohol to all this!

I've decided that my life lesson from this one is we are going to have peer pressure for our entire lives.  People are going to shun you for all kinds of things.  If they shun you then they weren't meant to be your friend in the first place and the only friend you should be concerned about offending is the one that can walk on water.

No one is beneath you.

Have you ever heard the story of the old man who came into the car dealership looking at trucks.  He was dressed in overalls and generally just looked...bad.  Not one sales person paid any attention to him so he left the dealership.  He went to another dealership across town dressed exactly the same way and while still hesitant a sales associate finally approached him.  The more the sales associate talked to the older gentleman he realized the man knew what he was talking about and walked him around to look at all the different trucks thinking he was just being nice to an old man.  At the end of the visit the man pointed out which one he wanted and the sales associate was floored, only to be even more surprised when the gentleman paid cash.

I don't know if it's true or not.  It kind of reminds me of that scene in the movie Pretty woman with Julia Roberts where the sales associates won't wait on her because of the way she looks and then she goes back looking fabulous and they are fighting each other to wait on her and she reminds them that they wouldn't wait on her the day before and what a huge mistake that was.

You never know what a person is going through on any given day.  You can't go off of what a person looks like to know what their heart has to tell you.  I've seen many a woman dressed up and gorgeous only to find out that she is selfish, rude and inappropriate.  I've also know the feeling of being dismissed because I wasn't dressed a certain way.

Don't judge a person by the way they look.  There is no way that you can tell what they are like on the inside just by looking at the way they have chosen to present themselves that day.  I have found myself to be pleasantly surprised many times when I engage a person who on first look scares me a little.

Before you assume that you know exactly how a person is, talk to them first.  You might be surprised.

Amusement park fashion

I was recently at an amusement park and of course I was people watching.  Why wouldn't I?  A good amusement park is a prime spot!!

I want to take a moment to say that while I love roller coasters and the joy that they bring my children I am indeed getting to old for the ones that shake you to death!  I just can't take it as much as I could when I was younger and don't even get me started on the spinny ones!  I get nauseous for days on those bad boys!!

I never wanted to grow up to be one of those old people that would never ride stuff but I now have a greater appreciation for why I didn't go to a lot of amusement parks growing up.

I wanted to discuss a few fashion statements that I'm pretty sure I won't be jumping on anytime soon.

I know that people cut off jeans to make shorts.  They've been doing it for quite some time.  I even understand that people sometimes cut them way shorter than I personally would deem appropriate and the pockets could be seen poking out because they are longer than the shorts but since when have we decided that we should bedazzle the pockets that are peaking out ? Are they really still pockets or do the bedazzle things go all the way through creating some sort of weird maze in your pocket?

This next one I only saw once and I'm pretty sure this woman was just doing it wrong.  Have you ever seen the swimsuit that Jim Carrey wore in some movie that looks like a giant V coming to a point at your nether regions and the 2 top points of the V covering the girls?  Well, a woman was wearing one of those suits only I'm pretty sure it wasn't a suit.  It was lace....as in see through lace...as in ew.

My final one I love.  I wouldn't wear one but I love.  UMBRELLA HATS!!!  I saw two women who had purchased theirs from a store in the park apparently because they still had the tags on them.  I have nothing negative to say about them, they just crack me up.  I'm not sure they really do much as far as shading you like a normal umbrella would but you wear that umbrella on your head woman in a jazzy chair you rock that look!

It's funny when I'm out amongst the masses.  I observe so many things that make me smile, some that disturb me and some that just completely gross me out, but I am always reminded.  It is a big planet.  We all have differences, but we all have similarities too.  Like wanting for some unknown reason to go on rides that beat the ever lovin' crap out of us!!

Most, some or not that many?

I had a facebook post the other day.  It read like this...

Had a conversation with a woman that was annoyed that some construction workers had whistled at her.  I asked did they make any crude noises?  No...she replied.  Did they move their body in such a way that you would think that their intentions were in any way inappropriate?  No...she said.  Did they chase after you and attempt to in any way harm you?  Well, no.  Was her response.  I punched her.

I thought it was funny, but I also thought that everyone would agree with me.  How very wrong I was. A friend responded with this...

Don't get me started.  Whistling is inappropriate and disrespectful, and it makes (most) women feel uncomfortable.  I'm bracing for your punch. ;)

Seriously?  Someone would actually be offended by a man whistling at them?  I would take a simple whistle as an ego boost to a normally ho hum part of my early 40's.  Ego boosts don't come often in my world so I have to take what I can get! I just couldn't even fathom that some one would be offended by a simple whistle.

Now, if the whistler started thrusting anything or began attempting to act out what that whistle meant like some sort of perverted mime sure, I would be offended and disgusted, but just a simple whistle?  Well, thank you very much Mr. Random stranger I'll take that compliment and walk a little taller today.

However, my friend did not feel that way, and she was under the understanding that most women felt the way she felt so I took a little poll.  I asked several of my friends if they were offended by a man whistling at them.  Now.  It was by no means scientific because all of these people were my friends, but I was surprised by the responses.

I had some that were completely offended by whistles.  I had some who couldn't care less.  I had some that it would depend on the situation, and still others that were concerned for my well being.

So, what I have learned from this situation is that in your day to day as you go about your life, not everyone is going to agree with you.  Some will have opinions that are completely different from you and that is totally okay.  It doesn't mean that either one of you is necessarily wrong it just means you think differently.  Just be careful the next time you use the word most.

I asked my friend "By most women is that like saying most women always wear matching bras and panties?"

Have a fantastic day!

The thoughts of an insomniac.

So, it is 4:45 am.  I have been on facebook.  I have played candy crush.  I have read a friend's blog back 5 years.  I can not go to sleep.  I'm going to be hating life tomorrow or today I guess.

Anyway.  I wanted to ask a few fashion questions as I am well aware that I am not the fashionista that some of you are but I'm pretty sure I have been witness to some serious fashion faux pas' as of late.

1. In Target, a woman in her 30's, it is June, it is hot.  She is wearing a long grey skirt with a tank top and tall plain grey Ugg boots.  It just looked odd.  A. It isn't winter.  B.  I realize that Ugg boots are expensive and if you have them you want to wear them to get use out of them but save them for the fall and winter months please.

2. Outside of Food City, a woman in her 30's possibly older.  It's July, it's muggy.  She is wearing a long sleeve sweater, very short running shorts and high heels.  Come on!  This isn't a thing is it?  Please tell me that this isn't a trend.

I see a common theme here I am bothered by people wearing unseasonable clothing with inappropriate footwear.  Does this bother anyone else or is it just the fact that I haven't slept and am in serious need of some shut eye?

A changing perspective

Long long ago when I was in my late teens and early twenties and I would see a crying baby I would long for the days when I would have my own children to comfort.  I would observe the parenting techniques of the precious angels care givers and know that they weren't doing it as well as I would be able to do with my own children....then....

Long long ago when I was the mother of two children under the age of two I had learned that this parenting thing wasn't an easy task and what might have worked one day may or may not work the next and for the love of all that is right in the world could they please just nap at the same time once!!!....then....

Not so long long ago when I was the mother of two school age children my judgement went back to the care givers because I understand that there is such a thing as a behavior disorder and I know that there are some circumstances that are extreme but there is also a thing called discipline and I truly believe that there are some individuals out there that are using the behavior disorder thing as an excuse for lazy parenting!!

Fairly recently I was on a trip with my family, we went to a big city with many many people there.  I witnessed all kinds of parenting techniques or lack thereof.  What I want you to take from this little visit to the chair is this...

Your perspective is going to change.  Circumstances in your life will evolve to show you a different side of an argument you may have been fighting for quite some time.  Be humble in all things, realize that you are not familiar with every aspect of the person's life that you are witnessing perform a horrible example of what shouldn't even be called parenting.   Hopefully what you are witnessing is purely out of desperation and is not typical.  You never know.

Go out there....love one another...do not judge or criticize simply love.

By no means appropriate.

Okay.  So with it being summer and all we are at the pool more often therefore giving me a whole lot of highly inappropriate things to discuss with who?  Well, I'm mainly with my kids and I don't want to scar them for life and my husband is a workaholic so it's you.  Sorry.  Stop reading now I'll never know.

1.  There should truly be a weight limit to the bikini.  I'm happy that you are out there getting some sun and exercise that is good for everyone but what isn't good for everyone?  The game of "Is that woman wearing the bottoms?" because your stomach is so large it is spilling over in some horrible muffin top accident that got someone fired I'm sure of it.  and if you are hiding the bottoms of your bikini then I'm quite positive the top is going to be inadequate to hold whatever you've got going on on top!  I'm not saying wear a tent but they have size appropriate swimsuits people otherwise just go naked there will really not be a difference.  Please don't go naked.

2.  There is apparently a new phenomenon on larger women near their upper thigh.  It kind of looks like leg breasts.  I can tell you one thing.  A. It makes my front butt look fantastic!  B. It makes me want to invest in one of those thigh master thingies Suzanne Summers used to try to sell!

3.  There is such a thing as too tan.  A nice golden brown is wonderful and makes one look healthy and full of life.  Too much tan makes one look like some sort of strange leather creature that should be made into a belt or chair.

4.  Teen clusters.  Why is it that when a teenager goes to the pool it is never just by themselves or with a friend?  Why is it always as swarm or herd?  I ask this because they never actually talk to one another they are each on their phones.  Who are they even talking to?  Isn't everyone they know in this cluster? and if not why are they at the pool with these people because these are the people that are seeing their half naked self, don't you think you should at least say hello?

5. Speaking of phones.  What is wrong with people?  You go into a restaurant and look around.  What do you see?  You will see couples each on their own phone typing away.  You might even see a table of people each on their phone.  Have we lost the ability to have a conversation without little smiley faces and acronyms?  First the handwritten letter is gone and now the art of conversation?  Do you know how excited I get when I actually get mail?  It makes my day!!

Ok.  I'm done for now, but I'll be back.  This world is gone crazy and I'm just one little observer sharing my "WHAT ON EARTH'S?!"

Heavy Heart.

I have a heavy heart.  I am typically a pretty easy going fun loving individual that loves laughter and is always on the quest to make people laugh but as of late I am just...down.  I feel like my eyes are going to well up with tears for no apparent reason.  I feel like if given the chance I could start crying and not stop for days.  I feel lonely, alone and overwhelmed.

I need you to understand something.  I have no reason for these feelings.  I am loved.  I have a nice home with a loving family and no real issues to deal with but for some reason I just feel blue.

So, my assignment that I am giving myself today is one that my mother always gives me when I come to her with this issue.  She will say the best way to make yourself feel better is to make someone else feel better.  So, I am going to attempt to cheer up the world around me in an effort to cheer up myself.

I will report back tomorrow to let you know if it worked.

Two peas in a pod.

I have two friends that are married to one another.  They were originally friends by marriage, i.e. the guy in this equation was one of my husband's co-workers, but after that first Christmas party I knew these were some special people.

I want to tell you about them, but at the same time I don't want to make you feel bad about your relationship because it isn't like this one.  Just remember, I am an outsider to this relationship.  As with any relationship, you never know what goes on behind closed doors.  I'm sure they have their issues too but from the outside looking in...it is inspiring.

Both the husband and wife love to cook.  He smokes the most delicious barbecue and she is fantastic at desserts.  If a millionaire would adopt them, they could start an extremely profitable restaurant, I'm sure of it!

Both the husband and wife love to entertain.  They will turn their backyard into a movie night or a giant water slide and invite tons of people over and yes this includes with children, to completely violate their beautiful home without making anyone feel uncomfortable for a spill or a mess.

Both the husband and wife are kind and loving to one another and are equal participants in the running of the household.  They are a team.  They are a cohesive unit.  No task is exclusively one member of this couples responsibility necessarily.  It is inspiring, and refreshing to see.

Too many times we have become so cynical in our own relationships that we make fun of our spouse or speak ill of them to others.  Keep in mind that you are with your spouse a lot more than you are with any other individual and if you were with anyone for a long time they would eventually get on your nerves.

What do I want you to take away from this?  Starting today, if you don't already, I want you to make a point to be your spouse's biggest cheerleader.  Never discourage, only encourage.  Do not even jokingly make fun of something that they do.  Be their largest support and biggest fan.  The world is attacking all of us for not being good enough.  We are trying to live up to an impossible standard daily. Allow your home to be a safe haven for one another where within its walls you are both "enough".

However, this is not a pass to become some sort of sloth.  Take pride in your appearance and always pretend as if you are still dating your spouse.  It won't hurt.

One of the best pieces I ever received was....when you are looking for a spouse look for someone who you don't think you deserve and someone who thinks they don't deserve you then spend the rest of your lives trying to achieve that task.

Summer accessories

Can we talk for a moment about the heat of summer and adding way more productive summer accessories?

I'm a sweater.  Not a lovely winter top, but sweat as in liquid pouring from the very orifices of ones pit and facial type areas.  I'm not so much a pit girl myself but my face?  I genuinely look like I have dipped my face in vaseline the second I leave air conditioning.  I can wipe it off with my tee shirt but it's coming right back so there is really no point except for to make others around me more comfortable.  I too am bothered by looking at a person with sweat dripping down their face when ain't nobody doing jazzercise.

I don't know why I do it.  Maybe it's because I'm a big girl.  Maybe its because my sweat glands are blocked on every other part of my body and this is the only way for the sweat to escape.  Maybe I have issues, I don't know I just do ok stop judging.

I've decided I want to come up with some fashion accessories to alleviate my problem and stop using my shirts as a sweat mop.

1. Towel bracelets.  You could wear one or two.  They would have elastic around your wrist and then the excess would cover your hands allowing your hands to be shaded yet not covered like a glove.  Simply dab the sweat off ones face that then allow the towel bracelet to naturally air dry for its next use.  Available in a variety of colors and lengths, monogramming also available.

2. Towel scarf.  Scarves are so popular these days why not take a towel and cut it into a thin strip then fashion said Towel scarf in the ways that one would use a regular scarf only now the scarf is way more absorbent and suited to dabbing ones face.

3. Towel earrings.  Throw back to the 80's and enjoy these fashion forward face mops.  When not in use these beauties hang pleasantly beneath ones ear gradually pulling your ear lobe to an impressive tribal hole.

4. Retractable visor mop.  Most of the day this fashion fabulous visor looks like your every day run of the mill visor, but wait just pull on the brim and out dispenses a lovely fresh towel to wipe ones brow.  Once finished, simply press a button on the back on your head and the towel retracts within the visor.  Don't worry about germs the visor contains anti bacterial properties to refresh ones towel every time its not in use.

5. Breast air conditioners.  These beauties can be placed in any bra and can be pre programmed to only come on when the temperature under your breasts reaches a scorching 200 degrees.  Another bonus of these wonders is that they will lift and separate all while keeping you cool and dry.  Also available in crotch form.

You think I'm kidding?  Not so much.  :)

Don't be so defensive.

I have a friend that I love.  Wonderful individual, would do anything for you, and is excellent at many things.  If you were to meet this person you may not agree with me.  You might call them cold or snooty.

They're not but if you are the type of person that allows first impressions to be your deciding factor of whether or not you like an individual you are going to miss out on some pretty fantastic friends.  You know, as I type this, several of my friends fit this bio and honestly so do I!  One of my closest friends was convinced that I was a self centered B*$#@, for the first few days of our relationship.

I can't speak for others, but when it comes to me when I am in an unfamiliar situation I'm pretty quiet.  Shocking as that may be to those of you that know me I really am!  I would much rather be the person  busy behind the counter than the person out front greeting people.  This does not make me a B*%$#, this makes me some sort of weird introverted extrovert, but apparently I come across as a B*%$#.

Now, if you are the type of person that allows this stereotype to bother you, you are going to get pretty defensive.  You might even start not liking people that seem loved by everyone or even judging people who talk to you because you might think they are obviously not going to like you and that they will then go and talk to their friends about how much of a B*%$# you are.

You might also start having strong opinions of the way people perform tasks because they did a good job and you are on your defensive high horse knowing that you could have done a good job but no one seems to notice.

Here is my phrase for the day.  DON'T BE SO DEFENSIVE!! We are all on this planet together.  We are all given gifts by the Almighty so that we can work as a cohesive unit.  That does not make one of us better or worse that just makes us all different and that is ok!

People who are doctors love to study hard and make good grades so that they can heal the sick, there are people that love to build houses, there are people that love to play sports there are people who are free spirits and they do whatever job fits their schedule.  What if we didn't have doctors, or builders or bag boys?  What if everyone was a doctor?

My challenge to you today is to go into every situation thinking that no one is out to get you and everyone is your friend.  You will meet some jerks pay them no mind, but don't allow that mindset to fog your happiness.  Life is a wonderful ride and you only get one!  Enjoy!

Think again.

My parents and I were on a trip to a local amusement park to celebrate Father's day.  We had just finished lunch and were waiting for our group to reassemble outside the restaurant.  I was people watching as I often do and a young man was my main focus.  His hair was well past his posterior and it was extremely unkept.  His clothing was of no sort of fashion I have ever seen and the group he was with seemed at best annoyed with him.  I thought to myself how odd he seemed and said so to my dad.  We said nothing further and went about our day.

To end our day we rode the River Rampage a round boat ride with 6 seats, there were 5 in our party.  Anyone want to take a wild guess as to who our 6th person was?  I was horrified because I knew my children had each selected a grandparent to sit with and this individual would be my seat mate.

That's when my big shocker came into play.  HE WAS CHARMING!!! He said Mam and Sir to my parents, he asked and answered appropriate questions, he was a delight to be around.  It wasn't until the very end when he could see his group of friends again that he raised his hand to wave and I was greeted with the blast of BO that would have killed a lesser individual.  As we were leaving the boat, I was gathering children and waiting for my parents, do you know that he stayed behind his group to make sure that my parents got out of the boat safely?

I already attempt with great effort to not judge a book by its cover because you never really know a person until you have spoken with them at length.  This guy was just a reminder of that life lesson and I thought I would share.

Fresh Tasting Cashews.

I was driving on 40 the other day and a truck came up beside me.  It was a famous nut vendor with a lovely delicious photograph of some scrumptious cashews and three words.  Fresh tasting cashews.

Does anyone else have an issue with this description?  Fresh...good, Cashews...good, tasting...huh?

So, they aren't really fresh they just taste that way?

What else are you trying to pull over on us food distribution individual?  Have you ever seen something that isn't really chocolate it is chocolate flavored but there is no actual chocolate in it?  LIARS!!!

Having worked in the advertising world I am well aware of the sneaky ways that are used to make people let go of their hard earned money.

25% off and $25 off a $100 purchase?  Which one do you think is better?  Well, if you are spending $100 they are exactly the same but if you only need to spend $50 and then you buy $50 more to receive the $25 back then you are out $25 that you wouldn't have necessarily spent whereas if you have a 25% off coupon you will receive $12 plus change dollars off your purchase and you go home with more money in your pocket and less stuff that makes you look like a hoarder.

The reason I'm going off on this tangent is that it bothers me!!  Deceit and half truths are still lies!!  Don't be putting buttercream on that lie you are presenting to me because once I bite into that crap your trying to push past me I'm going to realize it.

The thing is though the general public falls for it every single day!!  For 25 cents you can biggie size your drink but if you are eating in you can buy the small drink and get as many refills as you want!!

I'm on to you people!!!
I clearly need to go to bed.

A plum in a world of celery stalks.

No.  I am not trying to come up with bizarre recipes.  I am attempting my hand at analogy.  Although, I just realized that has the word anal in it and gross...so let's see.   I am going to attempt to describe my feelings with things that are representative of the situation that I am trying to express to you.  I.E. Analogy with out the anal.

I am 5 foot round and I am often called upon to be around women that are 6 foot fabulous. So, the other day when yet once again I was called to be in the presence of these giraffes with cell phones I got a mental picture and then said mental picture taught me a lesson that I needed to hear.

I am a plum.  I am somewhat round, short and fleshy.  I am sweet.  I am not familiar with these ladies that I was in front of but they were not warm right off the bat so my mental picture of them was a celery stalk.  Tall, healthy and fresh.  I started my mental picture thinking that as a plum more people would be drawn to me as I am sweet and juicy, but the more I thought about it celery has it's good qualities too and maybe if you aren't in the mood for something sweet or you needed the crunch of a celery stalk you  would not necessarily turn to a plum, and that is ok.

In case you have lost me my point is this, you are going to come into contact with people who are different than you.  They may be hateful.  They may be rude.  The thing is they may be nice and sweet and wonderful and you are basing your assumption off of what you "think" the person is thinking.   You may be 100% correct, they just might be a ....well, see how we have come full circle?...I'll go with jerk as to not offend but since we are started with ANALogy I thought it only right to mention how we have come full circle.

Think of this world as a great big bowl of produce.  Somethings blend well together and some don't that doesn't make either one of those things bad it just makes them different and that is totally ok.  It shows your own character if you can handle being around a prickly pear every once in awhile or if every time you see a prickly pear you grab a friend close to you and say things like look at that prickly pear why is he so prickly?

Branch out people.  Step outside your comfort zone.  Do not assume the worst in people.  You just might be pleasantly surprised and find a new flavor of a friend that will be the perfect balance to your fruit salad of a life.


Did I lose you?

Love is a verb.

The thing about a snare is that you don't see it until you are caught up in it and there is not much you can do about it.  It's a trap.  It is meant to control you.  

Are you married?  Happily?  If not happily...why not?  

I'm all over the board here.  Let me see if I can zero it in.

My mother has a thing she says when people come to her with troubles in their marriage and they say I just don't love him anymore she says Why not?  

It always throws them for a loop.  She says love is not an emotion it is a verb and if you are saying that you don't love them anymore that means you stopped...why?  

It's true you know.  Let's say you get married, everything is perfect and fabulous and birds are singing and butterflies are flying.  It's easy to love then.  It's just the two of you, you are able to focus on each other and nothing else and everything is new and exciting and wonderful.

Fast forward 10 years.  There are a couple of kids, there is a mortgage, there are now stressors.  How are the birds?  Dead?  How about the butterflies?  Squooshed?  It isn't so easy now is it?  We tend to blame our spouse for the stressors at home.  You are going to be in the middle of a battle with just as many bombs coming at you as your spouse does and they don't always necessarily notice your "needs" as quickly as you might like so we let in that horrible little cancer called resentment.  

Please be very aware that the moment you start thinking that your spouse is to blame for your total unhappiness the devil has set his snare and you are about to step right in the middle of it.  

"We tend to seek happiness, when happiness is actually a choice." This is written on a canvas that is about 4 foot by 4 foot smack dab in the center of my living room.  Your happiness is your own choice.  

Hang on for a second though keep in mind one little tidbit.  Do you remember your vows?  Do you remember that before God and everyone you became one with this person over here that is your spouse?  Did you light a unity candle? Do some thing with sand ? However you did it when you married your spouse you became one with this person therefore your happiness is also their happiness.  Don't get me wrong you can't control their disposition but you can love them.  Go to great lengths to make sure that you have done everything in your power to make sure that they know you love them.  

Love your spouse more than you love yourself.  Love them because they are the gift that God gave only you and they are precious.  Fight for them in every way you can.  Ha!  Love really is a battlefield! Thank you Pat Benatar!  

More Zumba observations

So, It's a Monday so I had my favorite Zumba class.  The instructor is exactly what you want out of an instructor she is a specimen of physical fitness and is not judgemental or condescending throughout the entire workout.  I love her.  So, since it is Monday and I have my class that means that I have observations!!!  I was in a really good mood today so I'm sure if someone else from the class was writing this I would be on the top of the list for psycho workout wench!

1. Why is it that overly confident skinny people annoy me so bad?  A girl walks in.  She is confident.  She is physically fit.  She is looking around the room with a condescending aire.  I was so ready for her.  First song, right off the top, I knew we had a spinny thing coming and Boom she missed it.  She kept missing it.  In fact, now that I reflect on it I'm not sure she ever really did get it.

I want to take a moment to say that had she come into the class with the knowledge that she did not know the routine and she was going to need to take it slow I would not even be posting this right now, but she didn't.  She came in with an aire of I am better than you and you are in my way.  So, therefore, I judge her.

2. Why is it that skinny people are so dang competitive?  You would think that after the first three songs of trying to get the swing of things she would have realized that it ain't easy.  Nope. She just kept getting madder and madder and glaring at the people bigger than her that were getting it.

3. Let's move on to another member of this class.  Question: If you are going to completely ignore the routine that the instructor has laid before you, why are you in a class in the first place?  To this same individual I would like to yet once again state, grey workout pants = bad.  Nobody needs to see how sweaty your business is!  Stick with black!

Please remember the next time you are in a workout class.  Be humble.  Be aware. Be willing.  No one is perfect their first time of trying something.  Also, remember...I only judge you when you are mean.

Have a beautiful day!

My Story.

So, at my church yesterday the minister encouraged us to write down our "story".

I don't have much of a story.

I was born into a Christian family with both maternal and paternal sides being church going God fearing believers.  I was always taught right from wrong and once while a group from Ozark Bible College was playing music for our church service, I had this complete and overwhelming feeling of joy.  It was the weirdest feeling.  I turned to my friends and they looked at me like I was crazy but I just knew.  I got baptized shortly after that and I lived a pretty low profile life.  I didn't cuss, I didn't drink, I didn't do drugs, I didn't party.  Not because I was afraid to, but because I genuinely had no desire to.

I went away to a college that is considered a Christian liberal arts school.  LOVED IT!!  I remained somewhat low profile except I would occasionally say a four letter word for comic effect.  I still didn't drink and I still didn't do drugs.  I graduated and lived in my own apartment for a few years and then married a good Christian man and we are raising two children.

See.  Pretty boring.  I could throw in the story about how my lip fell off or about the time I was not caught for breaking and entering but they are way less exciting if I finish them so I will refrain.

I have been feeling lately that God would want me to do more with my life for his kingdom.  I know that it is by nothing that I do that he gives me his grace but I know that he also wants us to love those around us.  So, when the minister spoke of his teacher wife who has students of hers that come into class wearing the same clothes and are abused by whomever is supposed to be protecting them, it started my wheels turning, and then that night when my family was out for a warm spring evening and we ran into a homeless woman with three small children again...the wheels.

I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with this information but I'm going to figure it out.  There are people hurting out there all around us.  They are in need of the basic necessities in life.  Don't assume that there is nothing you can do look to see where you can pitch in.  You don't want your story to be they were born, they lived, they died do you?

Get out there and change the world!!

Extremely two faced.

This morning whilst in Zumba class a situation arose that had me conflicted for the entire class and all I could think was I have got to get this out of my head.  I found myself debating two sides of the same situation and not having a strong opinion either way so I will start by being extremely positive and end with being extremely negative and then let's all discuss...sound fun?  K.

Positive:
A woman came to Zumba this morning and my typical instructor allowed this woman to teach one song.  She was able to get up there and stand in front of an entire class and get through the song without any mistakes.  I say yay to her for stepping out of her comfort zone and trying something new and not messing up!

Negative:
I go to a Zumba class that is considered advanced.  The teacher is fantastic and she is extremely physically fit.  A specimen that you strive to be.  She is able to inspire you throughout the entire workout by yelling encouraging tidbits and flashing a smile.  I look forward to her class every time I can get there.  So imagine my surprise when this older woman who was not quite the physical specimen that inspires a class comes in late toting her two children.  She was wearing her hair in a style that is at least 20 years too young for her and then half way through the class my perfection of a teacher turns the class over to this woman.  The only word out of her mouth was at the start of the routine and it was Whoo.  There was no instruction or encouragement.  I assume she was training to be a Zumba instructor and you have to teach a class in order to get your certification but there was not really any instruction there so I'm not sure what was going on.  Just because you like Zumba does not necessarily mean you are cut out to be an instructor.  It takes a special kind of person to lead a class of sweaty women for an hour.

I realize how very mean I must sound but I guess my point is we were all put on this planet to do something.  If you find something you enjoy and you are good at then by all means grab that and go, but if the only reason you are doing something is because everyone else is doing it and you want to be like everyone else...Stop it.

You are fantastic just the way you are.  You can make fantastic cupcakes or you can mow a lawn like nobody's business.  Whatever you do do it well, but don't try to be something you're not.  There is nothing wrong with you!  Find something you love and do it well.  Pretty soon people will be jealous of you and they will be copying you.

I guess my thought for the day is either Stick to what you know or Whoo!

That and there should really be an age limit to pig tails.

My thoughts on Easter.

I am a user of facebook.  It is a completely simple way of keeping in touch with friends of mine that live all over the world.  I can check in with over 100 friends in less than 15 min.  What's not to love?

Well, while I am a Christian not all of my friends are.  My friends all have varying places they are in their lives.  Some believe and some don't.  Some believe but they have been so jaded by the church that their faith has been shaken.  In my walk, I have encountered many different perspectives and I feel that my experiences have led me to be more understanding and less judgemental.

So, the other day when I noticed a friend's post it kind of threw me off my footing.  It was simply stating how she was preparing herself for all the posts about how Christ is risen.  She is not a Christian. She is also a pretty fantastic person.  Great mom, talented baker, genuine friend.  I don't think any less of her for not believing what I believe.

When things like this happen in my world it makes me wonder.  I'm not so naive to believe that all others should believe the way I do.  My own family members who were brought up exactly as I was don't necessarily believe as I do so it would be ignorant to believe that all humans believe in God.  My questions come when I wonder if the reason that they don't believe is that they have never heard the truth or is it that other humans have misrepresented the truth.

Easter this year which is a very happy time in the Christian Church was sad for me.  It was rainy and stormy and all I could think of was that God was upset with us.  That's not the way he works it was just my imagination on hyperdrive, but still...  The way the world is now with sex and materialism it can't make God happy.

Today in your walk I want you to open your mind.  If there is an issue that you are standing firmly on believing that your opinion is the only right one take a moment and open your mind from the perspective of the other side.  Consider their opinion, put yourself in their place how does this change your own opinion?

Jesus was a friend to the people of his day that were considered unloveable.  He didn't just hang out with people that believed in him.  Gain a broader perspective today and go out there and show love.

Holding my tongue.

You know what?  I'm a little ashamed of myself.  I have been making random observations of people's oddities and posting them for the jovial merriment of all of you.  I feel bad.

I was people watching this morning while waiting as I often do...people watch that is oh who am I kidding I'm a mom I wait a lot too.  I noticed several individuals that were what I would normally find amusing, but as I sat there and watched them, creepy I know, I realized something.  They are just like me.  They are just going about their day.  They have kids.  They get hungry.  They don't bathe regularly.  Just because the way they are doing it is comical to me does not mean it is wrong.  I'm betting they don't have a clue that anyone would think it was comical.

So, I have a new perspective on things.  If people are just going about their day, not being hateful or disruptive, they are off my radar.  I am no longer going to be amused by things that are irrelevant.  Now, if you are a blemish on the butt of society?  Watch out!  I'm coming for you!!!

So, be kind to others people or you might wind up getting a blog written about you.  Hold that door open.  Go out of your way to help that lady that dropped her keys, give the perfect parking spot to the other person.  Life is short.  The people that share this planet are all different and like different things.  If you do nothing else today, Be Kind.

It's ok to say no.

You know.  It's ok to say no.  

Especially if you do not have time to do something and you are only going to be able to half do a job leaving others in your wake frustrated and annoyed.  While it is noble to volunteer, know your limitations.  If you are doing something for your resume, or for the glory or because you want the praise remember if you do not have the time to do the job adequately praise is not what people will be handing out and if you then in turn mess with other people's experience.....Well, bless your heart.  

If you are not from the South I want to inform you of something.  Bless your heart is not necessarily a term of endearment. In fact, in some cases it is actually a very nice way to say stupid or a few other choice phrases that I shall refrain from.  

I'm dealing with this situation right now and to be quite honest it is my own stubborn nature that is not fixing the situation.  Well, that and nobody asked me to fix it.  People are more than okay to just let the train wreck happen because it is way more interesting and gives them something to talk about.  

I have a friend.  She has it all together.  Her house is clean.  Her calendar is impeccable.  She is able to maintain a home a job and volunteering because that is how her personality is.  God blessed her with that gift.  

You know what?  God blessed you with something that he didn't bless someone else with.  You have to know what you are capable of and find the glory in that!  Don't pretend to be something you are not.  If you aren't a good multi-tasker find one thing that you enjoy and are good at and go crazy with that!  It isn't a bad thing.  

God made us all different and we will go together like one perfect puzzle if we will just realize our strengths and go with those!  Oh, and be nice to one another.  No one likes it when you're hateful....Bless your heart!

Thou shalt not covet!

A friend of mine said something to me this morning that made me think.  So, of course, I have to run and sit in the big blue chair for a second because I think it might make you think too.

When was the last time you were in the middle of a fight with your husband and you said to him...."Wait a second honey, I want to take a picture of this very moment so I can remember it forever." or when your child is throwing a fit in the grocery store on a day that you are already past your boiling point and the little old lady is giving you that, "she is a horrible mother" look?  How about when you wake up in the morning and you have goo on your face and you look like a cross between some unknown 80's rocker and Phyllis Diller?

Would you then post that loud and proud on Facebook and tell the world about it?  No, of course you wouldn't.  We wouldn't want the world to think we are....NORMAL...now would we??!!!  

No one's life is perfect.  If you were to talk to the most beautiful woman in the world who has the perfect husband and perfect kids and perfect house and all the money in the world, and she were to be perfectly honest with you she would have something that she wasn't happy with.  It's human nature!  It's what makes us what we are.  If we were all satisfied all the time we would never seek or happen upon change and if we never seek or happen upon change this world would be pretty stagnant and boring.

What does your life look like?  Have you been married for 20 years and you are bored with your relationship, your kids don't need you anymore and you feel like an elephant sat on your face?

Are you still single after trying to find "the perfect spouse" for years and you don't understand what happened to them along life's way?

Are you divorced and trying to find someone to share your life with and the best your coming up with is someone who has good teeth?

Step back a second.  Realize this.  Your contentment has to come from within.  God wants you to realize that he is enough.  You need nothing else in this world but him and to covet a life that someone else has is only saying that you are not content with your own.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  The mother of 4 small children under the age of 5 covets the woman with no kids and an excellent career because she would like just two seconds to herself.  The career woman who's prince charming is yet to be found and longs for a family of her own would give up her career in a heartbeat if only she could find Mr. Right and the picket fence house.  It is perfectly normal to want that which you don't have.  It is what inspires change, but be completely honest with yourself would you really give up the life that you have for what you think is best or would you rather have what God knows is best for you?

Enjoy your life.  Enjoy the many different stages that God is blessing you with.  Those children will not be around forever enjoy them while they are.  If your "someone special" has yet to arrive enjoy the life that you do have and realize you have complete freedom to do whatever you want to do without having to consider anyone else!

Live your life, enjoy it!  Thank God for it.  Appreciate all of the many blessings that have been laid before you and go out today and make someone else's day.  Take a picture of the smile you put on their face and put that on Facebook!  Have a wonderful day my sweet friends!  You are enough and you are fabulous!