Some days are just bad...move on.

I should have known when I ran out of eye liner after only doing one eye that this was going to be a stellar day.  I should have just turned around and gone back to bed.

My son has a tooth that is facing the wrong way.  If all the other teeth are pointing down...it is pointing out.  It is a permanent tooth so we have been to several different dentists and orthodontists to figure out what to do.  Months ago we made an appointment with my son's dentist to fill a filling that needed to be taken care of and while my son was numb he was going to take the baby tooth out that is next to the affected tooth to hopefully give it room to come down properly.  We had gone over it everyone was on the same page.

So, yesterday when the office called to remind me of the appointment and the receptionist said to me we were scheduled for an extraction and a filling I thought we were all on the same page.

My son went back to the dentist chair.  I waited in the waiting room with my daughter.  There was no yelling there was no struggle and a few minutes later out he came saying "All done."  I looked at the dentist confused, I said Are you serious?  Wow, that was fast!  I asked if the tooth came out really easy because my son was not crying or agitated and if someone pulls a tooth out of your head that isn't ready to come out there are going to be tears, there just are.  The dentist said Oh, I saw that on the record but I forgot.  FORGOT.  Months of planning and he FORGOT!!!

My son is now at the point that I didn't want to get to thus the months of planning....FULL FREAK OUT MODE.  He is panicked, he is crying, he is mad and screaming.  Every emotion he can have, except the good ones, is going through his body.  He is adamant that he is not going back in that chair.  We step outside and I call my husband who is equally as upset as I am that the entire operation has been blown by incompetence.  After getting calmed back down we walk back into the office.  I explain to him that we are leaving.  The dentist says let me talk to him and I explained to my son that it was ok.  He wasn't going to pull the tooth, I just didn't want my son to now hate dentists.

I left the room to allow for the two of them to talk privately but when it was taking way too long I walked back over to the room and stood where neither of them could see me.  I listened as this man guilted my son telling him that since his mother couldn't get it done that his father would have to take a day off from work to bring him back in to get the tooth pulled and with that I took my son.

I was angry.

I get in the car and the phone rings it is a friend that is calling to check and see how the extraction went.  I relay to her the story and my son quietly from the back seat says that's not all he said mommy.  I said what else did he say?  He told me that he didn't realize I was a bad kid.  A bad kid.  My straight A, never gets into trouble, prays for sports players safety any time he watches a sport, animal loving kid.  Bad?  NO!!!

I'm more angry.

Soundtrack

Does anyone else ever somewhat wish you could have a soundtrack to your life?  You know music that automatically plays as you walk around your day to day life that if nothing else would warn people that you are in a really bad mood.  I think I might be on to something, this could totally help relationships as we know it.
The next time you are out and about in your daily life I want you to think of the people you are around as different  instruments of an orchestra.  What instrument would they be?  What kind of instrument are you to your friends?  Are you a pleasant happy tune?  Are you the blast from a Tuba?  How about the constant of a bass drum? 

No matter what kind of day it is good or bad be thankful for your orchestra.  They are what makes up the song that is your life. 

Children are a gift.

This morning I found myself alone.  I had dropped my daughter off at a friend's function and the rest of my family was still asleep.  It has been a snowy week leaving the children out of school so I was more than prepared to drink in my aloneness.  I sat down at my local Panera to have an egg sandwich when my solitude was interrupted by the stern hushed voice of a man scolding his child. The child wanted to sit in a booth and the father wanted to sit at a table,  however, with the intensity of the scolding I'm sure the father's fuse was just way short.  The child was heartbroken.  He stood there with tears welling up in his eyes for a moment and then the sobbing began.  The father tried to console the child but the pain from the scolding was just too fresh.

I probably wouldn't have even noticed this little situation if it hadn't been for the week that I am coming off of.  A child committed suicide this week.  He is loved.  He has a wonderful family.  There is no sense in it at all.  What the mother of this child wouldn't give to be able to hold her son.  What she wouldn't give to be able to take the time to talk to him and see what is bothering him.  She can't though.  He is gone.  Her grief, her pain, her unanswered questions are all huge points of pain in her life right now.

Is sitting in a booth versus a table a reason to scold your child with such intensity that bystanders are hurt by your harsh words?  I'm by no means saying that children don't need to be corrected, but we as parents really need to pick our battles and evaluate what really matters.

Your child is a gift to you, a gift that is to change your heart from a self centered heart to a selfless heart.  Your child comes into this world solely relying on you for everything.  It can at times be trying at best.  We all need a break to recharge ourselves so that we can be the best we can be, but keep in mind.  Your small child does not deserve your venom.  You can be firm with your child, you can educate your child in the behaviors that you expect but if you always turn to yelling and intimidation what lesson have you taught your child?

Just keep in mind when they are screaming in the middle of Target because they aren't getting what they want.  You had to sit at the table. 

20th College Reunion

Yes.  I have just attended my 20th college reunion.  Yes. I am well aware that I am getting older.  Yes. I had a blast.  Some things I wanted to re cap that stood out to me.

1. I don't care how much people have changed they still appear to be their 20 year old selves to me.  I kept finding myself thinking that the gray hairs and wrinkles were just stage makeup.  The true heart of the friendship is what mattered and guess what, laughter doesn't age.

2. A cronut.  A cross between a donut and a croissant.  It is tasty and should be experienced.

3. Earbuds should be saved for the gym.  They are killing conversation as we know it.  How is anyone ever going to meet someone new if they walk around with earbuds in all the time? ( Get off my lawn )

4. Nametags are a beautiful thing and I think this is something we should start utilizing on a daily basis.

5. Be very open minded when going to a 20 year reunion.  Your 20 year old self is much different than your 40 year old self and people that you didn't necessarily get along with back then might have matured or evolved into something that is quite interesting to you today.

The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Friendships are weird.

You have close friends that are more like family, you have acquaintances that you don't really ever remember their name but you know you know them from somewhere, you have friends that you keep is friends because you know how they are and you do not want them as an enemy. 

I love the kinds of  friends that you could call at 3 o'clock in the morning and they would answer the phone.  I value true friendship and appreciate it especially when the person feels like they can be completely honest with me.  I will say that there are some types of friendship traits that I have no time for.  Such as....

If I am talking to you and we are getting to know one another and you are telling me what you think I want to hear...I'm done.  We aren't going to be close. 

If you ask me if I have lost weight and you don't know me you just see that I am a larger girl and therefore that would be an easy go to "compliment" to go with.  We aren't going to be close.

If the only time you call me is when there is some sort of drama going on in our world and you think that I might have the inside scoop.  We aren't going to be close.

If while you and I are talking you are looking around the room for someone else to talk to.  We aren't going to be close. 

My children have been discovering these types of people in their worlds and this is definitely a hard one to parent.  I just tell them that all people are different and you want to have relationships with people who are true and real and good. Don't feel like you need to be friends with the people that are popular or have the best toys because popularity fades and toys break.  A true friendship based on mutual appreciation is a treasure that should be valued. 

I'm a liar.

My family and I had selected a restaurant for our dining pleasure the other night.  I need to tell you that my daughter has an extremely limited restaurant tolerance and our selection was not on her list.  However, she eats very little anyway and every once in awhile my husband and I play the trump card and go where we want to go.  So, this night was no different and she was none to happy.  We are attempting to keep the conversation light and airy and she is having none of it.  She is in full on pout mode. 

Cue my son to spill his entire glass of sweet tea all over himself and the table and you have the beginnings of a perfect storm. 

So, as we were walking to the car hoping that there just so happened to be a change of clothes for him in the car which could totally happen because at times my car is nothing but a rolling bin of my children's things. 

I noticed the run down car but thought nothing of it until the man jumped out of it and asked if we were from around here.  Now, at this point I knew exactly what he was going to ask.  He was going to give me a long tailored story about how he just needed $5 for gas to get his wife and he somewhere.  So, before he could get anything else asked I said No, we are on the road and he just dumped tea in his lap so I've got to go, sorry. 

We get to the car and my son looked at me so funny.  He said Mommy, why did you lie?  I said Well, technically I'm not from around right here, but yes I should not have lied. 

Why was my knee jerk reaction to not help someone?

Now, I can justify my reaction till I'm blue in the face.  My tolerance was low because of my daughter's behavior, I was rattled because my son was covered in tea, I was hungry and not happy to be out in the cold shuffling through a messy van that I just cleaned the day before.  This guy should be thankful that I didn't rip his head off just for adding something to my plate, right?  Wrong. 

I should have not lied.  I should have said My son dumped tea on himself and I don't have time, I'm sorry.  A lie is a lie is a lie, and that is all there is to it.  A little white lie is still a lie.  Whether or not you are going to get in trouble for what is the truth, it is still better to be truthful. 

I've got your back!!

I recently played goalie in my very first soccer game EVER.  I have watched my children's soccer games for 8 years but as far as getting out on the field and really getting in there not so much, so I am not ashamed to tell you that I was quite a bit intimidated.  We had quite the cross section of players and I am pretty sure I had the least experience.  I think the only reason they put me in the goal was that A. I don't look like I could run very far without dying and B. I'm a pretty big girl that blocks most of the goal naturally.

I was excited about this new opportunity and my team mates were not judgmental at all but rather quite supportive.  One girl in particular who is probably half my age would be the reason that I am even writing this post.  Most of the game the action was at the other end of the field and I was quite happy to be bored.  However, at one point the ball was coming straight for me and sheer panic set in.  All of my school day fears of letting my peers down were flashing before me as the ball got closer and closer, and then she appeared.  Out of nowhere she gets in front of me and says I will be your sweeper.

I had heard that term before in my 8 years of sideline experience.  Pretty much what I can assess that a sweeper is is someone who doesn't allow the ball to get anywhere near the goal and this girl was good at it!!  She yelled back don't worry, I have your back.  There it is.  The phrase that made me want to write this entry.

Before that point my blood pressure was through the roof of being worried that I would let others down by being inadequate.  After knowing that someone was there to help me my mind was at ease.  I am proud to tell you that I even stopped two balls from going in.

What is it about knowing that someone is on your side that is so comforting?  Some one is watching out for you, they want to help you achieve your goal.  You are not alone.

I want to be a better friend.  I want my friends to know that I have their back.  I want to be a comfort to my friends that they know that whatever they need I am there.

( Does it make this post any less poignant to tell you that the soccer game was a parents vs. kids game and that we were playing 10 year old girls?  Or that the parents won and were a bit obnoxious in their celebrating?)

Gracemont

Gracemont is a tree.  I named a tree because it is to remind me of something.  My husband and I were married in August of 98, by the fall of the next year we had bought a house in the Gracemont subdivision.  We loved that house.  We brought home our two babies from the hospital there, we started our lives there.  We lived there for 11 years.
Gracemont is the kind of neighborhood where you meet neighbors in the backyard to talk while your kids play outside untethered by electronics.  Gracemont is the kind of neighborhood where you hook a trailer to the back of your SUV and give "hayrides".  There are so many positive memories from Gracemont.
One day while I was working in the backyard at our Gracemont home I found a young silver maple sapling.  It wasn't very tall but it was big enough so I moved it over to where some day it would shade our deck.
Well, as we all know life happens and once the kids were in school we figured out that our Gracemont home was about 30 to 45 minutes away from everything we did and the commute was getting really old really fast.  So, we found a new home that is 5 minutes from work, school and church.  It is a nice home with lots of room.  We brought several of our plants from the old house mainly because I have this thing that I like to plant things to remind me of events that have happened in our lives.  I have plants from my parents, I have plants from my grandparents, plants to me mean life and growth and hope.
So, of course Gracemont came.  The only problem is that when I planted Gracemont I got the property line wrong and Gracemont was on the empty lot beside us by about 6 inches.  The empty lot was purchased a few months ago and the first time I understood that Gracemont was not on my property I felt sick to my stomach.  By this point, Gracemont had been growing for almost 5 years, we are not talking a tiny sapling anymore.  There was no budging the minds of the new homeowners they wanted it off of their property...GONE.  My husband looked into it and you could buy a new tree for less than what you could move this one and there really wasn't anywhere in our yard for a tree that was going to grow to the size that this one would so the future for my little tree was bleak.
The morning that I figured out that I had to pull all of my plants over to my side of the line (even though these plants were covering a very ugly power box and were contained in a professionally done stone surround flowerbed) my sweet neighbor came to help me move everything over, and then another neighbor came and another neighbor.  We were able to move all of the bulbs and plants and heavy stone over to my side and to be honest it looks better now than it did before.  The only thing that we weren't able to move was Gracemont.  At this point it was much to large for me to move and I had resigned myself to the fact that it was going to be chopped down.
Ok.  In your mind I want you to start playing some super hero music because to me that is what is about to happen.  The sweet neighbor that helped me move all that heavy stone?  Well, she talked to her husband and he talked to our other neighbor who owns a lot of heavy equipment and guess what?!  Yesterday our three families spent a beautiful fall afternoon moving my precious tree across the street to a new home where it will have much more room to grow and I can still see it very clearly if not better than I ever did before.
My mom has this saying, "It takes a heap of living in a house to make it a home."  Our Gracemont house had so many precious memories of life events and neighbors that sometimes I would question why we had moved.  Yesterday was such a beautiful reminder that I have excellent neighbors right here and the future is bright.

Nobody has a mama like that!

My own children are almost completely out of elementary school.  I am way more accustomed to the way that they communicate with me than I am with the way younger children communicate.  This has its challenges. 

I have never been the type of mom that could tolerate fit pitching or sass.  I do love the complete honesty that comes with kindergarteners that are just finding their own voice.  So, today when I had to deliver something to one of the kindergarten classes this is what I heard.

I first entered the classroom and all of the children were having their snack.  The teacher was off to the side working on something and the children were talking amongst themselves.  So, for a stranger to enter the classroom gave the little hive of busy bees quite the conversation.  They were all trying to figure out who I was and what I had come in there for.  I made my delivery and started out the door and the murmurs were that I was maybe somebody's mama, but then one child said louder than all of the others "Nobody has a mama like that."

Ahhh innocence.  I am aware that what the child meant is that I was not the mother of any of their classmates because they all knew whose mama was whose.  It just struck me as funny.

I often question my own abilities as a mother.  I wonder if I am doing what is right and best for my children.  I wonder if I should be doing anything differently for my children.  I wonder how on earth I am going to be able to accomplish the task that is parenting with all of  the involved parties making it to the finish line alive.

I try my best.  I am fully aware that I am not perfect at anything.  Some days I troll the internet for recipes and see these women who homeschool, and make their own soap, and keep a perfect house and have meal plans for the next 4 years and good heavens I'm sure they knit their own tampons.  I am not that woman.

What I am is what God intended for my two offspring.   I am funny, and spontaneous and weird.  I like to play games and be silly. I make a mean chocolate chip cookie, and I love to laugh.  Oh, how I love to laugh.  I want my children to know Jesus.  I want my children to know that they are loved.  I want my children to show love to all people no matter what. 

At the end of the day all I need to know is that my two children would be proud to correct that little kindergartener and say I have a mama like that and she's awesome. 

Abuse of authority.

My son and I went to a college football game this afternoon.  The crowd was over 90,000.  As we were leaving we were following the masses to where we had parked.  We were pretty close to the stadium so the crowds were still pretty large.  A caravan of 2 police motorcycles and 2 police cars and several unmarked vehicles were coming up behind the masses so the masses veered right to get out of their way.  A police man walked up to my son and I and hatefully explained to us that we could just turn ourselves around and go the other way.

Now, I'm a pretty easy going individual and it is my life's work to make all people better off when they leave me than they were when they first came to me but this guy was a piece of work.  He had obviously had a bad day and I was an easy target.

The only problem was the way I needed to go was the way I was going and I had to get to my car.

So, I am trying to get an explanation and he is just getting madder and madder and I am genuinely just trying to be kind and get help for an acceptable path to my car.  There were no signs blocking the way there were even other game goers going in the direction that I was needing to go.  So, why did he single me out?  Who knows.

That's just it there isn't always a reason for why you get the short end of the stick.  Sometimes life just stinks and that is all there is to it.  You just have to know when to back down else you end up in a world of hurt because this particular gentleman could have decided that I was being a nuisance to society and thrown me in jail for nothing and it would be his word against mine.

This situation has made me more sensitive to other situations where individuals are put under authority. Take teachers for instance.  Most are good and excellent but if you get a bad one that has an ax to grind and you just so happen to be the flavor of the day, well what can you do about it?  They are in charge of your grade, your future, your education.  All of these things I can only assume are very important to you.

It is going to happen and you will be placed under the authority of people who you do not enjoy.  Hopefully a bad situation will be temporary and you can learn from it and move on.  How you go forth from it is what makes you who you are and is what builds your character or lack thereof.

Don't take jerky people personally.  Assume them to be sad individuals with no goodness or positivity in their lives.  A true authority figure rules with kindness and understand of the people that are under them.  A person that has been placed in authority wrongly will not stay there due to their own actions.

Keep sticking with kindness.

One must be careful else one's mama bear comes out!

I need to vent for a moment if I may.  My child is not having the best start to his middle school years and as his mama it is hard to watch.  It isn't necessarily that there are any issues just that 2 of his closest friends moved to another school and he just doesn't have a core that I feel you need to survive middle school these days.  He's a good kid. 

Tonight at the dinner table we asked the kids how their days had gone and his was a 5.  He said he would tell me why if I would promise not to do anything about it.  A child, whom he will not tell me their name for fear of my unleashing the sarcastic wrath that is within me, called him a liar.  Apparently a few boys were talking about their weekend and he was saying that he had ridden the new Mountain Coaster that opened up earlier this week.  The boy told everyone that my son was a liar because it wasn't even open yet.  Well.....

Yes, little boy, he did.
So, the conversation moved to roller coasters and what these boys thought the fastest ride was and what was the fastest ride they had ridden.  Well, again, my child is somewhat obsessed with roller coasters and can tell you everything you never wanted to know about roller coasters.  The precious treasure that is attempting to humiliate my son said What's the fastest you have ever gone?!  My child replied 120 mph.  Again he was met with accusations of lying.  Well...

I'm not sure if you have ever been to Cedar Point but we have and it goes 0 to 120 in 4 seconds and yes, small minded individual he has gone 120 miles per hour.  

I'm not sure if this kid is trying to just be mean or what the deal is but I had to release this.  I don't even know why this is making me feel better.  The offender will never even see it, but I am finding myself judging this kid that I don't even know and not liking his parents and I haven't even met them.  Please raise your children to be kind.  It is way more important than being athletic, intelligent, or talented.  Kindness goes way farther than any of those.  

I find myself fantasizing about Tim Howard or some theme park executive showing up at my kids school and giving him the recognition that he deserves for all the fabulous that is within him.  So, if you know Tim Howard, the fantastic soccer goalie, or an executive at a theme park or a roller coaster designer could you send them my way?  Thanks...I feel much better.  

Bully or Jerk....what's the difference?

The word bully seems to be a hot topic these days.  I've said it myself on numerous occasions.  The only thing is I'm not sure I'm using it in the right context.

If you watch the 1950's version of what a bully is what we are dealing with is not that at all.  What we are dealing with are just jerks.  Jerks have been around since the beginning of time and while it would be nice if they would be banished away with a nice celebrity driven campaign it just isn't going to happen.

Do I think there are still bullies?  Sure I do, but that isn't necessarily what I'm seeing.

To me a bully is someone who is never letting up on their victim both verbally and physically humiliating and torturing the poor soul relentlessly.  This should stop.  This to me is a bully.

However, if you are upset because someone disagrees with your point and presents their own and this makes you uncomfortable and you are calling this a bully.  No dear, this is not a bully this is a difference in opinion.  It is normal.  It happens all the time.  If everyone in this world had the exact same opinion this world would be very boring.

If you are calling the person that makes fun of you from time to time a bully this too is not necessarily a bully this my friend is a jerk.  There have been jerks since the beginning of time and if given the chance will prove themselves to be the troll that they are.  People will wise up to them and the teasing or whatever will stop.

There is a phrase.  Hurt people, hurt people.  We have a lot of hurt going around in this world.  Children are being left to raise themselves, or they're being so smothered that they can do no right in their parents eyes.  Adults are not finding satisfaction in their own lives because they are watching overly produced "reality" television shows and becoming depressed that they will never be good enough so if anyone shows any sort of creativity they are jealous of them.

Realize this my friends.  God loves you just as you are.  Stand up to these individuals that make you feel bad about yourself and then remove yourself from them.  If the confrontation does not stop then yes, that is bullying and should be addressed.  Just don't immediately jump to the bullying catch phrase because sometimes a person is not a bully they are just a jackwagon, and the world has a bunch of them.  Jackwagons need love too.  If you don't love a jackwagon they become a bigger jackwagon and breed with a jackwagon and have baby jackwagons.  STOP THE INSANITY!!!

September 11, 2014

I just had the perfect start to this otherwise solemn day.

9/11 has become its own entity it is no longer a date or just some numbers.  If someone says 9/11 ones mind immediately goes to that horrible day in 2001.  If you were old enough you know exactly where you were when it happened and you can give your own living history about what you remember from that day.

Today I chaperoned my daughter's choir to a performance that has been almost a year in the making.  Last veteran's day 2013 the school choir performed for a veteran's day chapel where the guest speaker was a medal of honor recipient.  They sang several patriotic songs, but one in particular stood out.  It was a version of the Grand old flag where the children pull kazoos out of their pockets and kazoo the second verse.  The choir director was actually quite nervous about that part and in no way wanted it to come across that the children were being rude.

Well, she needn't worry.  He loved it!  He told her on that day that the National Medal of Honor convention was going to be held in Knoxville in the fall of 2014 and would they come and sing that same song for the recipients.

Fast forward to today.  I knew all of that back story.  I thought it was a nice that the man had wanted to include the choir but I had no idea.  Being a chaperone I was a member of the Mamarazzi, walking around with no particular duty taking pictures of everything and anything and I overheard some people talking about how excited they were to hear the children sing.  They were calling them the kazoo kids.  When they finally practiced their kazoo song the man next to me clapped and laughed and clapped some more.  He turned to me and said "That's awesome!!"

Now, of course I think that everything my children do is fabulous, but I'm not one of those mom's that thinks that everything my children touch is sacred so I mean it was okay and all but awesome?  He turned to me and said do you know who they are?  I said Well, yes.  I'm with them.  He said Do you realize that they have been on the schedule before there was a schedule?  The kazoo kids had been talked about all during the planning process of this convention about how great their song was, and then here it was the time to perform.

It has been so busy lately that it wasn't until the master of ceremonies had us pause for a moment of silence to remember 9/11 that I even realized it was 9/11.

In that room this morning were those that had given so greatly for their country, and there were children that are the hope of this countries future.  It was humbling.

There are still good people in this world, there is still hope in this world.  Adults still get excited about kazoo songs. 9/11 will always be solemn to me but today I got to see a representation of not only selflessness but also of hope for the future.  It's a good day.

Downs syndrome is important.

I read an article today.  I'm not going to reference the author as I feel his opinion is not worthy of repeating.  I will explain that it is his opinion that all downs syndrome pregnancies should be terminated and the mother should "try again".

I guess I should start by telling you that I grew up with a father who worked with special needs individuals.  Downs syndrome was just one of the many circumstances that I was exposed to on a daily basis.  It was always my experience that the people that had downs syndrome were the most loving friendly people I would meet.  They don't seem to have the fear of someone not liking them and will automatically be kind and welcoming.  They will come right up to you and start a conversation.  There is no game playing or sizing up, there is just friendliness.

I have a real problem that this "expert" feels that a person with downs syndrome is not worthy of a life. Who is he to say who is worthy or unworthy?  Who exactly does he feel should be able to live?  Downs syndrome people can have very fulfilling lives and more importantly they bring unconditional love to those around them.  I would submit that maybe the families that are lucky enough to receive a downs syndrome child needed their assistance to be shown love.

I miss my Grandparents on a daily basis, mainly because of the unconditional love that I was shown.  No matter how long it had been since my last visit or call they were there with open arms happy to see me.  I don't have that element in my life currently, not many of us do.  Most people are so busy running around just trying to survive that they forget about what is important.

Downs syndrome people seem to have what is important down pat.  They might not have the fine motor skills that most people their age have but I wouldn't say that this little tidbit is a reason that they should not be given a chance at life.

The world is made up of many different kinds of people, it takes all of these people to make the world go around.  To use a food reference take a cookie.  A cookie is made up of several different ingredients.  If you were to leave out one of those ingredients the cookie would not turn out as well as it should.  I will submit that in a chocolate chip cookie downs syndrome people are the chocolate chips.  It would still be a cookie if you took them out , but life wouldn't be anywhere near as sweet.

Racism is stupid.

I guess I am naive.  I guess I am just a silly optimist with high hopes for a perfect world but humor me for a moment.

Why does racism even exist?

We are all humans correct?  We are all made up of the same parts correct?  We all function in basically the same way meaning rest, eat, exercise, poop, rest correct?  Why is the color of ones skin or where one comes from playing any sort of role in how one is perceived?

It is my opinion that the only factor that one should be judged on is their ability to be kind.  Even then I do not expect any one to be hateful or judge the unkind people because therein would hold an even bigger problem.  Hatefulness and criticism breeds more of the same no?

Why is it that one's skin pigmentation or hair texture is a deciding factor?  You can darken your skin by tanning, you can straighten your hair with chemicals you can change these things easily.  I guess this would be the only reason that I would like a world where we are all hiding behind our computer screens.  You would never see the physicality of the person you would only hear their heart.

Black/white, Fat/skinny, Asian/Mexican, you would not be able to make a judgement from a stereotype you would hear the true self of the person.  I'm not saying go in your house and hide behind your computer, but I am saying walk around stereotype blind.

In the end, it will not matter the color of ones skin, but it will matter if your heart is good.

Revelation 7:9
After this I looked, and behold a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands.

Dear Mr. Bill Gates

I saw a post of facebook the other day it was a picture of Bill Gates holding up a sign that talked about it was about time he gave back to people and to share his picture for a chance at $5,000.  Really?  This makes my blood boil.

Bill Gates is a highly intelligent man that came up with a product that changed the world.  He earned his money therefore he should be able to do whatever he wants with it, and no that does not mean that Joe Schmo troll sitting in front of a computer screen wasting their time scrolling the internet for get rich quick schemes and cat videos has a share in it.  What on earth?!  Why is it that anyone feels they are entitled to anything that they did not earn?  What would you do if a stranger walked up to you on pay day and put out their hand for their "share"insisting that you "owe" it to them just because.  My guess is  a few expletives would be uttered and no money would be exchanged.  Why is it any different just because you perceive Mr. Gates to have so much more money than you do?

There are plenty of millionaires out there that are not quite so visible.  Mr. Gates is visible because of his charitable donations.  Is that it?  He is giving to this underprivileged group therefore he needs to see how underprivileged you are and then he will correct all your bad financial choices and the world would be right again?  Wrong.

Money does not fix the problem.  One must be taught to live within ones means and work hard for ones own goals.  If you dig yourself into a big hole with spending and the want of things, then someone comes along and bails you out paying your debt what have you learned?  If, however, you dig yourself out denying yourself and working for everything you have it will be much harder to spend so freely and you will have taught yourself an excellent life lesson.

Truth be told Mr. Gates and his wife give wholeheartedly back to the community and do so with a willing spirit.   What happened to this world that it is expected that we deserve things?  Entitlement should really be a four letter word.

Watch that ego.

I have got to learn that I should never read the posts under an article.  Every single time I end up mad or frustrated at the way people tend to jump on a band wagon or argue with one another for no apparent reason!  All from the anonymity of their trusty computer.

The most recent offense is one of particular interest to me because I could argue either side.  So, I'm going to put my opinion out there and you can weigh in.

A local weather caster was sent a letter from a viewer.  The viewer attempts in their own way to give "constructive" criticism to the on air celebrity.  The viewers opinion is that this person is good at delivering the weather but that her wardrobe is too distracting.   Now, the viewer did not sign the letter so we are not clear on their identity.  They make reference to being elderly but we don't really know.

The meteorologist then decides to post a picture of the letter and put it up on the firestorm that is facebook.  She addresses the  letter explaining that this was not fun to wake up to, and that she can not please everyone.

What happens thereafter is what I have a problem with.

1. Anytime you are in the public eye you will be scrutinized.  If you receive a letter, look first to see if it is signed if not immediately throw it away because if they do not stand behind their word their opinion is not worth listening to.

2. There are a lot of sad lonely people out there that live alone and when people are on their television set several times a day every day then without knowing it the celebrities become their "family".  These poor souls have no one else.  You automatically become their friends.  You are providing them with information on a daily basis.  You are smiling, you are being kind.  That is what a friend is right?

3. This post received over 400 likes and 34 shares.  The comments all villainize the writer and call them names viciously attacking them in the defense of the celebrity.  Each post more hateful than the next.

I have no clue who this writer is.  They didn't sign the letter so no one ever will.  The letter, in my opinion, was a pitiful attempt to reach out, to connect with someone, anyone around them.  I hope that this person doesn't have a computer.  I hope that they are blissfully unaware that the meteorologist that they love enough to try to "help" isn't talking to hundreds of people behind their back.

Today I want you to examine your life.  Do you have blessings?  Do you have friends?  Do you have at least one person that if you are sad you can call and they will answer the phone?  Please count yourself lucky today because there are people all around us that do not.  They live alone, they rarely go out, they are sad, they are lonely, they often come across as hateful because their life is sad and filled with disappointment.

The next time someone "hurts your feelings" before you call the 14 people on your speed dial I want you to remember.  You are loved.  You are beautiful.  You are confidant.  Rather than returning the hatefulness that you didn't deserve in the first place return Love.  It is what you are called to do.

Make the world a better place.  Do not take sad people's offenses personally.  Live confidently in the life that you have been blessed with.  Kindness will breed kindness...guess what evil breeds.

Everyone on the same page.

I was driving my son and two of his friends the other day.  One of my son's friends had an Ipod with him.  My son was watching whatever game the little boy was playing and no one was paying attention to the third friend.  The third friend went into this very strange one sided conversation with whomever wasn't listening saying.  Oh, you only have an Ipod?  I have an Ipod and an Ipad and an Iphone and etc ..etc.  No one was paying attention though.  It was a little sad.  The little boy instead of enjoying whatever game was being played on the device the group did have, felt that he had to explain that he was way better than either one of them because of his "stuff".

Stuff.  Who is to say that one person's stuff is any better than another person's stuff?  Does it serve the same purpose?  Does it accomplish the task that you purchased it for?  Well, then let us get on to bigger and better problems in the world that do not involve whether or not your phone or car or house is bigger and better than the guy next door.  Let's make sure that everyone is going to bed with a full stomach and a warm bed.

I would love to do an experiment.  I would love to put a bunch of people who don't know each other into a large room.  They must all wear a white tshirt and black shorts.  They are not allowed to discuss any of their monetary prowess or material possession.  They must approach strangers and strike up a conversation without mentioning any of their stuff.

Why do we automatically assume that if a person didn't go to college they are on a different level?  If the person is not wealthy they are on a different level?  Who came up with these levels?  I would much rather be associated with people who want not only their own happiness but the happiness of those around them to be an issue.  Is it really all that important to you to be driving the biggest and the best car if you are aware that a child is going to bed without eating?

My flower bed.

I have a flower bed.  It is at the front of my house.  It is filled with memories.  Some of the plants have been with me for a long time.  They are special to me.  A few of them were even written into the last real estate contract when we moved because they mean that much to me.

I am the type of a person that would rather have an azalea than a vase of cut flowers because I can enjoy it for years to come.  I love the idea of planting a tree for special occasions because as the tree grows you will look on it and remember that event.  It is one of my things it is how I am.

Today we hired landscapers to come clean up and mulch the beds around the house.  It needed to be done.  It looked bad and was required.  However, my bed was not to be touched.  I even went out this morning when the landscapers arrived in my pajamas and walked the foreman over to my bed.  I said this bed has been hand weeded by me, the only thing you are doing to it is mulching it do you understand?  I said do you see this plant?  It is not a weed.  It is a yellow lilac.  Do you know how hard it is to get a yellow lilac to grow?  All you are doing in this bed is mulching it right?  Right was his reply.  I showed him another one of my baby lilacs I said do you see this one?  It came up at my mother's house.  Please do not touch it!  He said he understood.

I went back inside and cleaned and did laundry and at lunchtime I thought I would walk out to see the progression.  There it was.  My bed.  Hacked.  Horribly Horribly hacked.  My yellow lilac?  Someone had stepped on it.  Stepped on it.

I lost it.  Cried my eyes out to my husband and to the foreman.  I just couldn't understand how if I had been so specific how my wishes were not carried out.  One guy came over and said it will grow back.  I have genuinely never wanted to punch someone more.

The man kept saying tell me what I can do I am so sorry, please I will replace whatever you want.  Well, he can't.  These are not plants you buy at a store.

They will grow back.  It will probably be even more beautiful next year.  Time will tell.

Life lesson to learn from this.  Open your ears and hearts to those around you.  When they are giving you instructions are you really listening our are you just waiting for them to stop talking and then doing it your way?  Are they telling you about something that has hurt them and you are trying to figure out what you are going to make for dinner or how you are going to pick up the kids on time.  Is it a person that you just run into at a store?  You might see anger where there is hurt, you might see joy where there is pain, you might see plants where there are memories.  Pay attention and live intentionally.

Put down the pebble.

How much does a pebble weigh that you pick up off the ground?  This isn't a trick question just a small kicking stone that you can find on any road out there.  Not much right?  A toddler could easily hold a handful of them and not complain right?  One could be in your pocket and you wouldn't even know it right?

Take that same pebble and hold it high in the air.  Arm extended straight out and do not drop it for anything.  Don't lower your arm.  Don't drop the pebble.  How heavy is it now?  Still pretty light?  How about after a few hours...days...weeks...years?

Imagine that pebble as a problem that you are dealing with.  Your problem may not seem like much.  You can handle it.  Why bother others with it?  Everyone has their own pebble right?  Wrong.

You matter.  Things that bother you matter.  You have a right to be heard.  You do not have to quietly suffer in order to not rock the boat.

Go back to our pebble.  Let's say you put down the pebble.  Release the problem.  Now your arms are rested ready for the next pebble life throws at you.  You are not distracted by the pain of the pebble you have been holding on to.

Today I want you to think about what it is that is bothering you.  What is your pebble?  Can you fix it? Can talking to someone else fix it?  Can a deep ugly cry help?  Do whatever it takes to live this life fully without the distraction of an ornery pebble.

You are loved.  Your feelings matter.  Put down that stupid pebble.

There's a nut in this shell.

A friend of mine is going through chemotherapy with her mother.  She wrote an update about how much she enjoyed working with seniors and would always make sure to treat them just as she would any other client because just because they were having to manage a body that had a lot of wear and tear on it didn't mean that the spirit was any different.

It's true you know.  I have felt the same way and I'm only 41.  People treat you differently.  I'm not saying it's always bad.  They call you mam.  They are surprised when you think something is funny that is more from their generation.  It's just people forget that the mind doesn't change the body does.

Imagine a piece of candy rolling down a hill.  It will pick up dirt and rocks and limbs.  It will get bigger and bigger until it is totally unrecognizable as a piece of candy, but it is still candy at its core.  If you were to wash off all that it had picked up it would still be the same sweet treat you know and love, but to look at it with dirt and hair on it...not so much.

The same applies to me.  Weight wise. I realize that if you have only known me for the last 12 years you probably don't know me as a normal weight but I have really allowed myself to pack on the pounds.  Depression, boredom, hormones you name it, the pounds have slowly escalated to a point that I am uncomfortable with myself.  I realize that I need to do something about that but that is not where the topic of this entry lies.

I hate how people treat me.  How people look at me.  It isn't my imagination.  It is very real and I realize that I probably do it too.  I'm not talking about people who know me.  I'm talking about total strangers on the street.  When people are morbidly obese it is shocking, something to stare at as it were.  The thing is there is still a person in that suit of skin.  A person that wants to be loved, listened to and respected.  It isn't until I see myself in a mirror or realize that I can't fit into pants I used to wear that I am brought down to reality because in a world without mirrors I still feel 16 and fabulous.  I still think people are going to like me just because I'm happy go lucky and they just don't.

The next time you go into the world I want you to imagine that you are at a giant costume party.  That you have no actual clue what people are like until you face to face talk to them.  Kindness, Gentleness and laughter are like drugs to me.  I crave them.  When I do not get them I get depressed thus most of my issues.  I will work on my health, but I also want to work on making sure the people I run into feel better about themselves when they leave me than they did before.  We must build each other up people.  Show love.

Water park fashion.

My children and I ventured to a local water park on Monday to celebrate the beginning of summer.  I am not a small woman so I was a bit concerned about displaying all that is me for all the world to see.  Not only because my skin would blind my fellow water park goers but also because I don't want to offend.

Now. In retrospect, I really shouldn't have even been concerned but you live and learn.  I wore a one piece swimsuit with swim shorts over top.  It was as if I were wearing one of those swimsuits from the early 1900's hat included.  Can we discuss a few of my issues?

I wanted to approach just about everyone and say out of all of the swimsuits that the world had to offer this is really the choice that you thought best represented you?  I quickly found that the individuals that wore the conservative one pieces were more so the ones that their body type would have been okay for a 2 piece.  I found myself wanting to go over to those mothers and tell them I thought they were raising their girls with a much better perspective of how to present themselves to the world in order to gain the respect that we all truly deserve.  I didn't though because I do not feel comfortable walking up to a complete stranger when I am half naked.  It's just a thing I have.

A friend once taught me about high crack and low crack.  This phenomenon was well represented on Monday.  Are you familiar with this?  Let me just say that if you have high crack I don't care how skinny you are a 2 piece may still not be the look for you.  That being said I want to add that the whole water park had a horrible crack problem that had nothing to do with drugs.

String bikinis.  Have you ever heard the expression 10 pounds of potatoes in a 1 pound bag?  Well this was more like 300 pounds of potatoes in a 1 ounce bag.  Rule of thumb.  If when you put on a swimsuit and you look in the mirror and a majority of the swimsuit is not visible, because your skin is covering it....move on to the next swimsuit.  The job of a swimsuit is to cover your parts.  If your parts are covering your swimsuit it is defective....move on.

I want to touch on tattoos.  I don't have a problem with a nice tattoo.  I don't even have a problem with a full body tattoo if it is done well.  I'm not really big on tattoos on the face but that's just me.  Tattoos can be works of art.  I want to go on record as to say that it takes a special kind of person to have a tattoo.   This plays on many levels.  Hear me out....

If you are doing something because you love it then it is one thing.  If you are doing something because everyone else is doing it and you want to be "cool" you just end up looking out of place.  Some of the tattoos I saw on Monday were indeed works of art and had excellent placement.  On the other hand, random cartoon characters gallivanting all willy nilly about ones body....not so much.

As I finish up this little blog entry, yes, I do realize how horribly critical I am being, and yes I realize that the people that were at the water park were not only oblivious to my concerns but my little rant will not change their mind the next time.

Lesson to be learned.  It is a big planet.  A planet filled with billions of people that were all raised differently from you.  You will have similarities with each of them even if it is just that you both enjoy oxygen.  The next time you meet someone that is a polar opposite from you rather than being appalled by their differences try to find the similarity.  You just might end up being surprised with what you find.

The social life of an 80 year old.

School is finally out.  So, I was taking this morning to sleep a little later than normal.  I was awakened by the sound of my phone receiving a text.  The text was a picture of my daughter taken some 3 years ago sent by my mother who never really uses her cell phone let alone texts.  So, you know where my brain went to...WHO HAS KIDNAPPED MY MOTHER AND ARE THEY COMING AFTER MY DAUGHTER NEXT?!

Just then the phone rang.  It was a call from my mother and I said hello several times with no response. All I could hear was loud conversation.  I kept saying HELLO?! After awhile my mother's voice finally said Erika?  Rick Beam is teaching me how to take pictures with my phone!!  Can you tell?

Now, unless her phone has some weird time travel device I'm pretty sure she didn't mean she was learning to take pictures but instead Mr. Beam was teaching her to text, but she sounded so happy I didn't want to belabor the point.  Several times over the years my sisters and I have attempted to teach our mother to use the phone portion of her phone thus the ancient picture of my daughter.

I kept trying to tell her I think you mean text mama!  Is he trying to teach you to text?  She couldn't hear any of my responses she just kept yelling into the phone I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!   So I finally screamed I LOVE YOU MAMA!!

My parents are 76 and 80 years old.  They are on a party bus on the way to Georgia.  My husband and I are 41 years old.  We were still asleep with no true gumption to leave the house today.  What is wrong with this picture?!

Fitting in.

I was a guest at a 5th grade awards ceremony the other day.  8 children had their speeches selected to be read before the audience.  The general theme of all of the speeches was that it was a jungle out there.  I was concerned about the fact that most of the speeches were all about how middle school was this horrible place but that they would survive if they would stick together.

My personal experience was that 5th grade was my absolutely most horrible year so middle school, while still awkward and strange, was by no means bad.  I liked having a locker and changing classes.  I liked being able to try out for activities and mostly I liked meeting new people.

I have a few friends whose daughters are going through some hard times right now.  The daughters are both 8th graders and they have had horrible middle school experiences with mean peers and just general not fitting in.  I can sympathize.  I have never been the most popular or the most beautiful or the most anything.  I was just me.

My overall impression of how I remember middle school is that it was fine.  Now granted 6th - 8th grade are some 25ish years ago and I could very well be blocking some stuff out.  I do remember crying when I was told that I was too hyper to be a cheerleader.  I never dated in middle school I was just more of a tomboy than anything.  Goofy and awkward.  That is how I remember myself.

I am well aware that if I tried to explain to these girls that it is okay to not fit in now, that this portion of their life does not define them, that they would look at me like I had three heads.

I was looking through my high school annuals and you want to know something?  The faces were not familiar.  A few were but for the most part the familiarity that I once had with that portion of my life is long gone.  All of the faces look the same.  I can't remember who was popular or who dated who or who everyone thought was the most beautiful or handsomest.  They all look the same to me now.  (Quite honestly if given a quiz to select the people I went to high school with I would have failed miserably)

Do not concern yourself with the opinions of others.  People will come and go throughout your life.  The people whose opinion matters will stay with you through thick or thin.  The people who judge you harshly will be long gone by the next chapter and they are but a life lesson of how not to treat others.

You are a beautiful gift from God to this planet to make life special in your way, not in the way of everyone else.  God made you to be you.  What do you like?  Go out there and find your joy.  Find others that bring you joy and enjoy your life.

This is a private conversation.

Recently my son was participating in the area math Olympics for Christian schools in Tennessee.  I tell you this because the story I am about to relay should seem even more interesting if you have that little tidbit of information.

So, the Olympics were about to get underway and I had decided to visit the little Olympians room to relieve myself before the events.  Ok. So technically during the events parents just wait but work with me.

I am in a stall as are 2 other women.  We are all in our own stalls and Woman A. says "I can't get that song about going down and yelling timber out of my head"!!!  Loudly for all of us stall visitors to hear.  So, I shoot back, at least it isn't that song from Frozen that is the one I can't stop singing.  Well, what happened next is my stumper.

It got completely silent in the bathroom.  Woman B walked out and started washing her hands, I walked out and started washing my hands and then came Woman A. She came out and said to Woman B. did you say that?  Woman B very sheepishly shook her head No and glanced toward me.  Woman A then scowled at me and shot off "I hope you know that was a private conversation".  I want you to know I didn't return her venom I just laughed and said Ha!  I will talk to anyone it is in my blood and left the bathroom.

Now. Come on.  Was that seriously a private conversation?  It isn't like they were discussing who the father was or whether or not she should go for the sex change surgery this was a general, everyone can relate bathroom conversation where no one can see each other's faces.  If you are going to have a "private" conversation it is best to go some where private and a multi stall bathroom is not your best locale.  Just because you bare your privates in there does not indeed make it private, understand?

Fast forward a day.  A woman who is new to our church wants to ask several of the ladies in the church why it is that we don't attend classes on Wednesday night.  She starts talking about how unfriendly and unwelcoming our church is.  Hold up.  Seriously?  I have never thought of myself as such but I totally see her point.  Mainly because I just experienced it first hand.

Rewind a few years.  My children were invited to a birthday party where I knew NO ONE. NO ONE!!! I went into that situation thinking I would be fine because I would be wrangling my toddlers the whole time.  Guess what.  I was the only Christian in the bunch and do you want to know something?  That was the most warm and welcoming party I had ever been to, and quite honestly have been to since.  Everyone spoke to me, everyone helped me with my kids, offered me food or drink, took care of me and my children.  It floored me.  Not because they were nice to me and helpful but because I had been to my own church dinners toting the same two toddlers and I was always met with trying to figure out how to get their food, a high chair, sometimes a table and chairs all by myself.  It never really bothered me because I am extremely independent until the woman visiting my church started asking questions that I genuinely had ever thought about it.

If the people from the potty are representing the Christian faith and the people from the party are non-Christians and I am someone who has never heard the word before it is seriously a no brainer for me.  How sad is that?

We as Christians are called to Love.  It is pretty simple.  We are asked to get out of our comfortable spot and be kind to those around us.  Not just other people like us but even the ones that make us uncomfortable.  So, the next time you are in public, look around.  Be intentional about including everyone.  We are adults people.  Bust up that clique you got going!!! Spread the love around.

Driving in Atlanta traffic by Me.

I am not a fan of driving in any sort of traffic but I must say that Atlanta traffic sends chills up my spine.  One time prior to children, when I was on a photo shoot in Atlanta we were just trying to head for home and we were stuck in 6 lanes of bumper to bumper stupid traffic.  I say it is stupid because even though we were completely at a stand still people were still trying to maneuver their way around.  Ignorant.  I heard on the radio that a hole big enough to swallow a VW bug had opened up and thus the congestion.  Congestion?  What I was sitting in was not congestion it was a full on arterial blockage in desperate need of surgery.  Don't try to make me feel better by saying congestion.  Congestion says to me that if you just blow a little, things will clear up.  If you have a hole large enough to swallow a car, well then I am pretty sure we aren't going any where any time soon.

So, the other day when I realized that I would be subjected to Atlanta traffic yet once again, at rush hour no less, I got a little stressed.  I have to say this time it wasn't that bad.  Sure it was packed, but I was never about to come out of my skin.  I did make a few observations that I would like to share with you.

1. Why is it that people still think that they can text and drive?  I don't care who you are, you can't.  Well, you can but the thing is when one operates a vehicle, especially in traffic, one must be watching not only the car in front of you, but the 11 cars in front of him, the car directly behind you, the cars on either side of you and whether or not your lane may or may not inexplicably end all of a sudden for no apparent reason.  If you can do all of those things and text War and Peace to your wife then please make sure an apply for the role of God.  I'm not saying you will get the job I'm just saying that someone needs to explain to you how you are not qualified to be making such decisions and taking other peoples lives into your hands.

2. If it says "It is unlawful to cross a double white line" what does that mean?  Because  I saw a whole lot of people doing it and nothing happened to them.  I figured your car might blow up or something but after about the 20th car crossing over in front of me I stopped looking for the jet fighter that was going to shoot a law breaker missile at the offender.

3. I love the HOV lane.

4. Just because you have your turn signal on does not mean you are automatically allowed to change lanes especially when there is no where for you to go.  Your turn signal does not cause my vehicle to evaporate.  If you are patient I will by all means allow you to merge but when 4 lanes of traffic is stopped and going no where your inching over is gonna do nothing for you.

5. Can we ban billboards that cause my children to ask questions that I have no desire to answer especially when I am already trying to deal with stupid people?

I am not a big city type person.  I can't handle traffic such as that.  I am ok with what traffic I have to deal with from time to time and even that gives me hives.  I look forward to the day when they have figured out how to orchestrate all roadways so that there is no such thing as a traffic jam.  This is something we need to get a legislative committee on today.  I am also ok with the George Jetson conveyor belt thingy to get ready in the morning.  Please tell me someone is working on that one.

Mabel Moody.

One of my least favorite things about getting older would most definitely be the mood swings.  Can't stand them.  Growing up as was always so easy going.  Not hormonal at all.  Now a days I am pretty sure I lose friends monthly because of my horrible inability to not be hormonal.

There is a commercial out right now.  I think it is for a car, but you know how weird commercials can be I really have no clue what it is for.  Any way the gist is that it starts out saying how bad the world is now and that it is so much worse than it used to be and then it goes into how there are tons of good things about the world now too.  Like for instance being accepted for who you are.

Can we break this down a bit?  Don't they mean being accepted for who you are as long as its politically correct?  or what is hot in the news today?  They don't actually mean for who you are do they?  I can verify this if you will stay with me.

I gave up my precious Coke for New Years.  Cold turkey, had one New Years Eve haven't had one since.  Not only that but I have cut my caloric intake by probably half.  In this endeavor have I lost a ton of weight?  No, no I have not.  I believe the grand total is about 5 pounds and we are 23 days into January.

When I go out into the world I am depressed about my weight, mad that I can't go have whatever I want to eat, angry at skinny people that can, pissed off that the scale isn't moving faster.  I am a ticking time bomb of "Go ahead punk, tell me I look fat."  Do you honestly think the world would accept me for who I was if I didn't constantly wear my filter?

I speak sarcasm fluently and it is only by God's grace that I don't spew angry words around my little part of the planet.

The point of my little rant this morning is...Be kind.  Even if you don't want to be.  Even if you think people are stupid.  Even if the ignorance around you is deafening.  Be kind.  There is no point in making the world worse off for having you in it.  Find something that you find good and go with that, and if you come across something that angers you do something about it, but not by making it worse.  By making it better.

The world is a hard place to maneuver.  Be kind.