A friend of mine is going through chemotherapy with her mother. She wrote an update about how much she enjoyed working with seniors and would always make sure to treat them just as she would any other client because just because they were having to manage a body that had a lot of wear and tear on it didn't mean that the spirit was any different.
It's true you know. I have felt the same way and I'm only 41. People treat you differently. I'm not saying it's always bad. They call you mam. They are surprised when you think something is funny that is more from their generation. It's just people forget that the mind doesn't change the body does.
Imagine a piece of candy rolling down a hill. It will pick up dirt and rocks and limbs. It will get bigger and bigger until it is totally unrecognizable as a piece of candy, but it is still candy at its core. If you were to wash off all that it had picked up it would still be the same sweet treat you know and love, but to look at it with dirt and hair on it...not so much.
The same applies to me. Weight wise. I realize that if you have only known me for the last 12 years you probably don't know me as a normal weight but I have really allowed myself to pack on the pounds. Depression, boredom, hormones you name it, the pounds have slowly escalated to a point that I am uncomfortable with myself. I realize that I need to do something about that but that is not where the topic of this entry lies.
I hate how people treat me. How people look at me. It isn't my imagination. It is very real and I realize that I probably do it too. I'm not talking about people who know me. I'm talking about total strangers on the street. When people are morbidly obese it is shocking, something to stare at as it were. The thing is there is still a person in that suit of skin. A person that wants to be loved, listened to and respected. It isn't until I see myself in a mirror or realize that I can't fit into pants I used to wear that I am brought down to reality because in a world without mirrors I still feel 16 and fabulous. I still think people are going to like me just because I'm happy go lucky and they just don't.
The next time you go into the world I want you to imagine that you are at a giant costume party. That you have no actual clue what people are like until you face to face talk to them. Kindness, Gentleness and laughter are like drugs to me. I crave them. When I do not get them I get depressed thus most of my issues. I will work on my health, but I also want to work on making sure the people I run into feel better about themselves when they leave me than they did before. We must build each other up people. Show love.
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