pitty party

I have found myself on the other end of needing help lately.  As in, I have needed someone to help me. I am not a very good receiver.  I would much rather be the giver any day of the week.  I have found, however, that apparently givers are rare, or at least they have been in my need situations.  The part that is frustrating is that in no less that 4 situations that come quickly to mind I had gone above and beyond just recently.  Please do not read this as I am expecting something for the favor that I did for these people, that is not at all why I did the things I did.  I did the things I did because I wanted to help.  I expected nothing.  I still expect nothing, and I did not bring up to these people the fact that they should return the favor as there was no favor to be returned.

It isn't until I sit here in my state of need and think about it that it frustrates me.  In some cases, the favor that I needed paled in comparison to the favor that I had bestowed upon them.  How very frustrating it is to feel that you were used, or taken advantage of.

Heres the thing.  Like I said I did not do these things for praise or for recognition or even for something in return.  I did these things because I feel God has blessed me many times over and I am to serve his people lovingly and without reservation.

I have figured out all of my issues without the help of these people and while the cynical part of me thought for just a second how very nice it would be for them to need my assistance again so that I could turn them down, the real me knows that I shouldn't think like that.  I should remain positive, I should remain kind, I should remain loving.  I should get over my pettiness and serve God's people.

My husband comforted me by saying Jesus didn't want to die on the cross for our sins, he didn't want to take on God's wrath but he did and aren't we all glad he didn't say Sucks to be you!

So I will go out, and I will put on my smile, and I will get over my frustrations and I will be thankful that Jesus loved me enough to go above and beyond and I will strive to do the same.

Donna

My mother had one sister that was 5 years her elder, her name was Betty.  My Aunt Betty married early and had 4 children pretty soon thereafter, okay, technically she had three children pretty soon thereafter and then she had my cousin David way later.

My mother on the other hand got married later in life and then struggled to have children so long story short my eldest cousin has children that are closer to my age than my cousin is.

My cousin Rick married a girl named Donna that he met early on and they were married half way through college.  He lost her this past week.  Not as in he can't find her, he knows exactly where she is, as in cancer is a hateful beast and it took her from him.

We all had dinner the night of the receiving of friends and he said how he didn't know why she married him.  I have an answer for that but I tend to be way more eloquent when I write rather than when I speak so let's see if I can do a better job now than I did that night.

Someone once advised me before I got married that I needed to look for the man that I didn't feel like I deserved, but to make sure that he also felt like he didn't deserve me and then to spend the rest of our lives trying to prove to that person that we were the only one for them.

Rick and Donna were like that.  She is a happy smiling bottle of joy.  Rick is a little more reserved.  He is technical.  She is creative.  They both had their strengths and both had their weaknesses and together they made the perfect whole.

Marriage is hard.  Marriage is two individuals with two separate life paths forging together to make one bonded whole.  If you want a good marriage you have to figure out how to still maintain your individuality all while creating the whole that is your relationship.   The two individuals were created by God for a purpose.  The hard part of marriage comes when you must find that balance of individual and couple.  

Serve your spouse.  Love your spouse.  Love them even more than you love yourself.  Do not expect the same from them it is not a competition.  Do these things for your spouse because you realize that marriage is hard work.  Do these things because you value your marriage, and want to make it the best you can.  Your spouse is a gift that was given to you by God. 

My cousin lost his wife way too early.  They still have a ton of life to live together.  God had a different plan.  Rick and Donna were a unit.  A team.  The life that they created is not a light that has been put out because Donna died.  It is a fire that has just started, and will continue to burn for generations to come.  She will be greatly missed.

Today...I was a refugee.

I do realize that my little 6 hour jaunt into the unknown was absolutely nothing like being a refugee but hear me out because today gave me a new appreciation for the things that I have and the things that are readily available to me.

My husband lost his father a little over 14 years ago.  My father in law loved planes.  He loved everything about planes, he even worked for Delta.  My husband and his father had gone to an air show in Knoxville years ago and that air show was coming back this weekend.  We knew that the Blue Angels would be performing so this has been on our calendar for quite awhile.  We left with plenty of time to get to the show but that is where things went south....insert creepy music.

What should have taken us 20 minutes took us 3 hours because of traffic, bumper to bumper, less than 5 mile an hour traffic.  After finally getting to the parking lot, which was more so a field with a bunch of cars in it parked every which way and no one directing traffic what so ever, we finally started walking to the show.  Thousands of people joined us on our 30 min trek from parking lot to show.

My daughter is a tiny little thing.  If that girl misses a meal she will blow away, because of the traffic she is now 2 hours past when she should of eaten, and because of the rules that the show had announced I had no food on me to give to her.  She is looking like she could pass out at any moment, we continued on our quest.

We arrived to where the crowds were, and I heard people complaining how everything had an hour and a half wait to get food.  I again felt helpless.  I witnessed the lines to the restroom I thought my word we are going to die here.

Now.  We are fine.  We walked a little further into the craziness and found a pretzel cart that we purchased the last 3 items they had on the entire cart and she ate that.  We walked a little farther and there was a hot dog stand that was only a few deep in line so we all enjoyed hot dogs and drinks.  We found a nice place to set up our chairs to watch the show and other than a little sun burn we are no worse for the wear.

The getting back to the car, while just as tedious was less stressful because I wasn't worried that my baby girl was going to eat concrete, and getting out and back to civilization only took about 30 min.  There was one incident where the men in the family jumped out of the car for drinks but we aren't going to talk about that, I'm just putting it here for posterity.

It made me think how reliant I am on others to provide me with my basic necessities.  I realized that without a grocery store or restaurant, I'm not eating.  It made me sympathize with real refugees who have lost everything to protect their families.  As we walked in a giant herd we were watched over by the military every few feet.  Now, they were there merely for crowd control but it just as well could have been that they had guns and were forcing us to walk somewhere.

I am thankful for all of the blessings in my life.  I am thankful that I live in this beautiful country that I live in, and I am most thankful that I am the daughter of a King that is bigger than all of this.

Now, who can help me start a garden and get me some chickens?

Here's the thing...

You know how somedays you start out thinking you are going to do ABC and you end up doing XYZ?  It isn't that this is a bad thing but your to do list didn't get to done.  Well, today was one of those days.

Stuff just kept popping up and taking me in different directions and there just was not time to do a few things that in retrospect I probably should of put a little more priority to, but I have a few thoughts....

I knew that I had my nephew's school play tonight.  It has been on my calendar.  6:30 friday night.  I was well aware that I needed to be there, I wanted to be there.  I also wanted to do AB and C and if at all possible LMNOP.  

Everything was going swimmingly.  I had 15 minutes to get to my nephews program and it only takes 4 to drive there.  A...shower.  I forgot to shower.  When one is going to be in a crowd of people and one knows that one has become quite ripe with ones various activities one should have a plan B when it comes to the showering.  Silly me thought Oh, I'm fine.  No one will notice.  The problem with this theory?  I NOTICED!!!   I sat myself on the very back row away from everyone and barely spoke for fear of offending the tender.  

This brought me to a thought.  I bet some people thought I was being anti social, snobby, better than thou ( although I have to say foul was a better description.)  Could not be further from the truth!  Do not assume that you know a full story when you are only looking at the cover!  It just might be a really bad cover!  It might be one of those covers with the shirtless long haired man on a horse and it could totally be a cookbook!  You have no idea until you get past the cover and delve into the pages.  Now, I'm warning you.  The pages are going to smell from time to time, but slap some Vicks vapor rub on your upper lip and jump into the story.  You might actually find something or someone new that you really enjoy.  

P.S. If we spoke tonight, especially if I hugged you....We tight!