I want to come clean on something. In my last post, I was mad. Very mad. You see we are at the end of a long year of my child living out all of my parental insecurities. A parent never wants their child to be the child sitting alone at lunch, or the child that is being ruthlessly bullied. A parent never wants to think of their child as an outcast or the different child.
My child had gotten in the car that afternoon and proclaimed that there was a birthday party and the entire class, save 5 children, had gotten invited to said birthday party. It was to be an extravagant event with a theme that my own child had asked for several years running. A fellow classmate had come up and said to my child I'm sure you are invited I will ask the birthday boy. The birthday boy confirmed, my child was not invited.
The thing is...SO WHAT! This child has a right to have whatever kind of birthday party they want to have. They have the right to invite whomever they want to invite or not invite. Does it hurt to be the one not invited? Sure, but guess what...life lesson! Matthew 7:12 Do unto others as you would have done to you.
Fast forward a week. A friend had a birthday party where she did indeed invite the entire class. Children got hurt, there wasn't enough supervision, it was a madhouse. Parents complained and I learned that you can never please everyone.
I am not sad for the school year to be over. I very much enjoy having my children at home without the stressful dealings of life, for when we are home we can shut out the world and only allow in the people who agree with us and like us and want to be around us.
The thing is that isn't reality. Life is not fair. People are not nice, but guess what? You can't go around letting the mean people win. There are nice people and there are fun things that are going to happen to you if you get out there and live.
In the movie Finding Nemo, Nemo's dad says I don't want anything to happen to him!!! Dory the fish says but if nothing ever happens to him, nothing will ever happen to him.
I want things to happen for my children. I want them to understand disappointment so that they may better appreciate things. I want them to understand hurt so that they will in turn not hurt. I want them to understand that good friends are like a treasure that you have to search for and once you find them cherish them.
Happy treasure hunting my friends!!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
It was an honor just to be nominated.
So, I'm angry. I probably shouldn't be. Don't really have any reason to be, but I am. There is a birthday party today. It was apparently all anyone could talk about today. The entire 6th grade was invited, boys and girls! It is a really cool party thrown by one of the wealthier families with cool stuff and it is a huge deal! A few didn't get invited, thus the angry part.
We didn't invite this child to our party. We also didn't invite the entire grade to the party. A child came to our party who wasn't even invited and the child's parents never even explained why their child was there. He came with someone who was invited and left when texted by whomever picked him up. It was awkward. I did the right thing. I allowed the child to stay and participate and eat. I never raised a ruckus..I guess until now but again to recap...I'm mad.
Middle school is hard enough without someone throwing an exclusive party. I don't know these parents. I'm not even sure my child would have gone had he been invited but when all anyone can talk about at school is this fabulous party and everyone is invited except you when you already are in the whole frame of mind that you don't fit in and no one likes you.....I'm frustrated.
I need someone to tell me when this gets easier. I need someone to tell me that I am not the one messing up my kid. I need someone to DO THE RIGHT THING.
We didn't invite this child to our party. We also didn't invite the entire grade to the party. A child came to our party who wasn't even invited and the child's parents never even explained why their child was there. He came with someone who was invited and left when texted by whomever picked him up. It was awkward. I did the right thing. I allowed the child to stay and participate and eat. I never raised a ruckus..I guess until now but again to recap...I'm mad.
Middle school is hard enough without someone throwing an exclusive party. I don't know these parents. I'm not even sure my child would have gone had he been invited but when all anyone can talk about at school is this fabulous party and everyone is invited except you when you already are in the whole frame of mind that you don't fit in and no one likes you.....I'm frustrated.
I need someone to tell me when this gets easier. I need someone to tell me that I am not the one messing up my kid. I need someone to DO THE RIGHT THING.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Elementary school graduation...
This little entry is more for me than you, but I wanted to write my thoughts down becasue after nine years my children are about to be out of the elementary school. Please don't read this as my children are very slow, it is just the way their ages fall and our school has a preschool program and a fantastic pre-first program. Reflecting on the teachers that they have had has caused me to reflect on my own elementary school education and to be honest I have had some epiphanies that I want to share with you now.
I started kindergarten in the fall of 1977. New Hopewell Elementary Ms. Hunt. She was fantastic. She was tall, had long straight brown hair, was slender and oh so very kind. She was not married and she loved us. I can remember a time I got into trouble. I was supposed to be in the housekeeping station and there was a frog outside in the art station and I was so proud to have caught the thing. I turned around and the look on Mrs. Hunt's face was awful. I had disappointed her. She was not happy, but it was okay. I took my punishment and we moved on.
First grade was Mrs. E. She was a fiery sarcastic redhead that had a son a couple of years younger than us. She was a bit distracted. She was nicer than the other first grade teacher so I was pretty happy until one day when I needed to go to the bathroom. I asked her permission and she said yes. I went to said bathroom with a hall pass. I had not even gotten down to business when Alisha McCarter came running in screaming that I was in trouble. I got back and took one step in the room. Mrs. East grabbed me by the back of my neck and threw me over a desk spanking me like crazy. When she was done she said I hope you know better now. I didn't.
Second grade I had Mrs. C. She was a friend of mine's mom. I remember getting a U in art. I remember my mom saying that was stupid how can anyone grade art.
Third grade I had Mr. B. It was my first male teacher. I thought that was pretty cool. He was. The only thing I remember from the year is someone throwing up in class.
Fourth grade I got Mrs. N. My mother had heard all about Mrs. Newman from other mom's and didn't want me to have her. I got her. I thought she was great! She was nice and fun and I loved 4th grade. She must have found out that my mom didn't want her because I remember one lunch she took me over to the teacher's table to have me show the other teacher's what an interesting banana I had...it wasn't. (Years later I had the moment of clarity realizing that she had been standing behind me and probably showing them who I was.)
Fifth grade. Worst possible year EVER. Hated it. Absolutely despised it. Can not make it any clearer how even more than 30 years later I can remember things that happened in this class as clear as if they happened yesterday. There was an odd number of girls and I didn't have a buddy. I didn't dance and I didn't have a sport. The teacher for some reason had decided she didn't like me.
I would love to go back and look at 10 year old me. I would love to know if it was more me than her but me being 10 and her being an adult I would go with it was more her. The event that stands out the most is I had been told by some girls to write a love note to Marshall Dominic. I didn't love Marshall Dominic. I just wanted someone, anyone to talk to me. So I did it. I drew a little stick figure girl thinking about a little stick figure boy and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. Mrs. B saw the note get passed and grabbed it. She then taped it to the board and had row after row go up look at the note and then come back and tell me how stupid I was. Some of the kids didn't want to do it, some reveled in it. It was humiliating and even more alienated me from my peers. After lunch I went up to her and told her I would like to take it down and she said Yes, I think you've had enough.
She's still alive. She goes to my mother's hair dresser. She is related to some people that go to church with me. She probably has no recollection of this incident whatsoever!!
Why did I write this? I want to point out how very much the actions of these people are so strongly remembered by me almost 40 years later!!! Live your life intentionally, live your life with kindness. There is no reason to spread hate. I don't care how insane that child drives you there is still no reason to spread hate. Discipline? Sure. Sarcasm and hatred? Not so much. Be firm, but be kind. It can be done.
I started kindergarten in the fall of 1977. New Hopewell Elementary Ms. Hunt. She was fantastic. She was tall, had long straight brown hair, was slender and oh so very kind. She was not married and she loved us. I can remember a time I got into trouble. I was supposed to be in the housekeeping station and there was a frog outside in the art station and I was so proud to have caught the thing. I turned around and the look on Mrs. Hunt's face was awful. I had disappointed her. She was not happy, but it was okay. I took my punishment and we moved on.
First grade was Mrs. E. She was a fiery sarcastic redhead that had a son a couple of years younger than us. She was a bit distracted. She was nicer than the other first grade teacher so I was pretty happy until one day when I needed to go to the bathroom. I asked her permission and she said yes. I went to said bathroom with a hall pass. I had not even gotten down to business when Alisha McCarter came running in screaming that I was in trouble. I got back and took one step in the room. Mrs. East grabbed me by the back of my neck and threw me over a desk spanking me like crazy. When she was done she said I hope you know better now. I didn't.
Second grade I had Mrs. C. She was a friend of mine's mom. I remember getting a U in art. I remember my mom saying that was stupid how can anyone grade art.
Third grade I had Mr. B. It was my first male teacher. I thought that was pretty cool. He was. The only thing I remember from the year is someone throwing up in class.
Fourth grade I got Mrs. N. My mother had heard all about Mrs. Newman from other mom's and didn't want me to have her. I got her. I thought she was great! She was nice and fun and I loved 4th grade. She must have found out that my mom didn't want her because I remember one lunch she took me over to the teacher's table to have me show the other teacher's what an interesting banana I had...it wasn't. (Years later I had the moment of clarity realizing that she had been standing behind me and probably showing them who I was.)
Fifth grade. Worst possible year EVER. Hated it. Absolutely despised it. Can not make it any clearer how even more than 30 years later I can remember things that happened in this class as clear as if they happened yesterday. There was an odd number of girls and I didn't have a buddy. I didn't dance and I didn't have a sport. The teacher for some reason had decided she didn't like me.
I would love to go back and look at 10 year old me. I would love to know if it was more me than her but me being 10 and her being an adult I would go with it was more her. The event that stands out the most is I had been told by some girls to write a love note to Marshall Dominic. I didn't love Marshall Dominic. I just wanted someone, anyone to talk to me. So I did it. I drew a little stick figure girl thinking about a little stick figure boy and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. Mrs. B saw the note get passed and grabbed it. She then taped it to the board and had row after row go up look at the note and then come back and tell me how stupid I was. Some of the kids didn't want to do it, some reveled in it. It was humiliating and even more alienated me from my peers. After lunch I went up to her and told her I would like to take it down and she said Yes, I think you've had enough.
She's still alive. She goes to my mother's hair dresser. She is related to some people that go to church with me. She probably has no recollection of this incident whatsoever!!
Why did I write this? I want to point out how very much the actions of these people are so strongly remembered by me almost 40 years later!!! Live your life intentionally, live your life with kindness. There is no reason to spread hate. I don't care how insane that child drives you there is still no reason to spread hate. Discipline? Sure. Sarcasm and hatred? Not so much. Be firm, but be kind. It can be done.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Random thoughts....
Does anyone else have thoughts that you really don't feel comfortable asking someone but you generally would like an answer to? How about just strange train of thought type stuff that gets way out of hand and you end up cracking yourself up but it would be way to much of an explanation to bring anyone else in on the funny... ME TOO!!! Here are a few.
1. Do you really want to eat the sushi that is 50%? I mean I am totally ok with it in coupon form but if I walk in somewhere and they are trying to pass off their "Not quite too old sushi" in order to not lose all of their money I'm just not going to be in the market you know?
2. Why must we subject ourselves to the process of putting on eye makeup during allergy season? My eyes water so much that it looks like I am a blubbering mess when in fact I am not...normally. All the eye makeup then ends up off by say 10 am and it looks like I never tried in the first place. Can we just save a step and assume I put it on and you just missed it? I looked fabulous today in case you were wondering!
3. Can you freeze eggs? Not like human eggs but like chicken eggs, to use later. Do you crack them first? What if you didn't. What would that do?
4. Wouldn't it be great if you could DVR your dreams?
5. Do you ever find yourself driving and you have no clue where you are going? Only to realize that you are going somewhere that you go a lot but that is not where you are supposed to be going and now you are late and screaming "Get your head in the game!" to which the guy in the car next to you is offended because he thinks you are talking to him, but you are so upset he doesn't realize that you are talking to yourself and he ends up flipping you off?
6. Why don't doctors have treasure chests for adults? A nice smelling hand cream, a key chain, how about a pen or a loofah? Why should kids be the only ones that get pointless junk at the end of their traumatic life experiences?
7. Is there a place in this world where people are judged not so much for what they look like but for their personalities? I want to go there. Mainly because there are some people out there that are extremely popular that have some pretty unfortunate personalities.
Just wondering...
1. Do you really want to eat the sushi that is 50%? I mean I am totally ok with it in coupon form but if I walk in somewhere and they are trying to pass off their "Not quite too old sushi" in order to not lose all of their money I'm just not going to be in the market you know?
2. Why must we subject ourselves to the process of putting on eye makeup during allergy season? My eyes water so much that it looks like I am a blubbering mess when in fact I am not...normally. All the eye makeup then ends up off by say 10 am and it looks like I never tried in the first place. Can we just save a step and assume I put it on and you just missed it? I looked fabulous today in case you were wondering!
3. Can you freeze eggs? Not like human eggs but like chicken eggs, to use later. Do you crack them first? What if you didn't. What would that do?
4. Wouldn't it be great if you could DVR your dreams?
5. Do you ever find yourself driving and you have no clue where you are going? Only to realize that you are going somewhere that you go a lot but that is not where you are supposed to be going and now you are late and screaming "Get your head in the game!" to which the guy in the car next to you is offended because he thinks you are talking to him, but you are so upset he doesn't realize that you are talking to yourself and he ends up flipping you off?
6. Why don't doctors have treasure chests for adults? A nice smelling hand cream, a key chain, how about a pen or a loofah? Why should kids be the only ones that get pointless junk at the end of their traumatic life experiences?
7. Is there a place in this world where people are judged not so much for what they look like but for their personalities? I want to go there. Mainly because there are some people out there that are extremely popular that have some pretty unfortunate personalities.
Just wondering...
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