Do my teeth make me look fat?

I was leaving my dentist office.  I had just been poked, prodded and generally abused in all ways orthodontionally.  I have gone to this dentist office since I was three years old but the woman that is the receptionist is new.  I will say I have seen her possibly twice total, and when you figure that I see her for maybe a minute and a half both of those times with some random dental chit chat I am not going to say she knows me very well.

Her comment to me this time?  Have you lost weight?

Let's stop here.  I am not a small girl.  Yes, I absolutely could stand to lose about 50 pounds but I love food and hate exercise so I am at a standstill.  The thing is I would love to lose the weight because I would just like to feel better about myself so I am well aware when I am trying and weight is coming off..if it ever does.  It has not.  I lost my father, my family has a lot of stress, so eating right and exercising are pretty low on my to do list right now.  So no...no I have not lost weight.

I then instead of seeing her "compliment" as a compliment I see it as more patronization which could totally be the cynical side of me coming out but my inner dialogue goes to "Oh!  You think because I am overweight obviously I am trying to lose weight and if you tell me that I look smaller it will make my day?"  All it makes me think is that you think I am fat and obviously the only way I have any self worth is if I appear slim.  I have to say...not so much.  It just makes me think that you are focused on appearances and you should broaden your scope a little further.

There are horribly skinny people, there are morbidly obese people, there are people with disfiguring acne, there are people with thin hair, there are people big noses, there are people with any manner of things that make them different from the "Norm" Who wants to be normal anyway?  I have a friend that wants to be normal because she has medical problems she is tired of dealing with but she is one of  the most vivacious loving characters in my book of life.  I love to have random bump in to her moments because she gets her joy all over me!

Today I challenge you to love yourself right where you are. Of course we all need to have goals, we should want to better ourselves but you also need to know that you are good enough today.  You can bring joy to another person not by commenting on their appearance but by just generally being happy to see them, remembering their name, asking a relevant question that applies to them.  Be the joy that someone is needing today.

Go out...Be kind!

25th reunion

In two weeks time, I will be attending my 25th reunion.  I have been pondering all that this means in my world.  25 years has passed since I graduated from college.  I am middle aged.  Weren't the Middle Ages bad like filled with dungeons and dragons and stuff?  I mean if I would live to be 100 I am not quite there yet but let's be real 100 is a stretch, especially with my inability to eat right and exercise and floss for goodness sake.

I will go.  I will wish I was 100 pounds lighter.  I will wish I would have cured cancer.  I will wish I would have tried harder at that whole winning the noble peace prize thing, but I'm not, I didn't and I am pretty sure I am not even on their radar.

Here is the thing though, these are the people that were with me the first four years of my new life.  The life where I was Erika, not Jim and Norma's daughter, not Eureka, not little league.  I was Erika, the weird girl (I embraced it.)

I have to say I am way more interesting than that Erika was.  I have matured (somewhat). I have had life experiences, and while I don't have regrets necessarily I do have things that I would have done completely differently if only I had known.  I hate the cringy memories.  The things that are burned in my memory that I didn't necessarily mean the way that they were interpreted.  I hate the missed opportunities, the things I didn't do but wish I had but was too scared.

I wish I would have looked farther into the future than just I want to get married and have kids.  I am trying to help my own children navigate those waters.  Do not live your life anticipating the next step, live in the present.  Enjoy the here and now.  Go out...Be kind!