Meea

Way back in 2007 my family and I lived next door to the sweetest family.  The sweetest family had the sweetest dog, a brindle shih tzu with the best personality.  One day I asked for the name of where they had bought the dog.  They called the breeder for me and found out that low and behold the same two dogs had just had another litter and that there were 3 pups left from it.  My neighbor immediately went out and selected the runt and came back home telling me I needed to go because of the two that were left the breeder was going to keep one of them.  

Now, I was worried about getting a dog.  I had a 5 and a 3 year old at the time and my plate was already pretty full, but the neighbors dog was precious so I thought what could it hurt to call.  We knew we wanted to name the dog Meea after the first letter in all of our first names.  The lady on the phone confirmed that she was going to keep one of the dogs and yes the other one was indeed for sale.  She said I named the one I am going to keep Mia, but you are welcome to select which one you like better, so off we went.  

The four of us drove out to Maryville, TN and went in to a modest home that was very muddy....on the inside.  The breeder brought out her Mia and had my 5 and 3 year old sit in the floor to hold the dog.  This drove my husband insane because you seriously can't imagine how dirty this house was.

My 5 year old son was going to hold her first.  She was squirming and jumping and generally freaking out.  My 3 year old daughter was sitting still beside him waiting for her turn meanwhile a tiny little puppy quietly came from nowhere and curled up in my daughters lap and put her head on my 3 year old's knee.  "Mia" was still in freak out mode and my son couldn't even get a good look at the dog, meanwhile I had found Meea sitting in my daughter's lap.  

I asked Can we have that dog?  She said oh absolutely you can take which ever one you want.  My husband said We are going to sleep on it and we will let you know tomorrow.  We left.  

Once home we discussed it and my husband said "I will leave it up to you."  Typically in our marriage speak that means No.  We are not doing this right now.  Let the kids down easily.  It was always an unspoken thing but I understood that if he said I will leave it up to you that meant...No.  Well.  He left for work and I left for the breeder to pick up the 3 pound bundle of joy!  He got home that night and saw the dog and said But...I said I would leave it up to you, and I said Yes, and I think it's a good idea.  My sweet husband said Well, then I guess we have a dog!  

Meea was a very dark color almost black.  The first time I took her to the groomer I thought that they had given me the wrong dog because under that black puppy coat was a brindle dog.  

We had a few years of living next door to Meea's sisters.  They would play together in the fenced in yard.  The runt that the neighbors had gotten that was Meea's litter mate was black and stayed black even after grooming , Meea and Emma, the original dog that started all this were of course brindle and Meea and Emma both had the same sweet personality.  

Oh and what a dog she is.  She doesn't bark much.  She doesn't shed.  She loves us all fiercely.  When you ask her a question she will answer with a sneezy noise.  She has favorite toys football foxy, fish and blue.  We put a recording of a squeaky toy hidden under things and she freaks out to find it!  She is sick right now.  She has a growth on her liver.  She is not doing well.  I wanted to write an entry about her because for 12 years she has been such an important part of our family.  The vet says there is no getting better from this there is only keeping her comfortable.  I hope the vet is wrong.  We are currently feeding her baby food with a syringe and carrying her most everywhere.  

Dogs become such a cherished member of the family.  Meea has been so important to ours.  

Go out...Be kind. 

Do my teeth make me look fat?

I was leaving my dentist office.  I had just been poked, prodded and generally abused in all ways orthodontionally.  I have gone to this dentist office since I was three years old but the woman that is the receptionist is new.  I will say I have seen her possibly twice total, and when you figure that I see her for maybe a minute and a half both of those times with some random dental chit chat I am not going to say she knows me very well.

Her comment to me this time?  Have you lost weight?

Let's stop here.  I am not a small girl.  Yes, I absolutely could stand to lose about 50 pounds but I love food and hate exercise so I am at a standstill.  The thing is I would love to lose the weight because I would just like to feel better about myself so I am well aware when I am trying and weight is coming off..if it ever does.  It has not.  I lost my father, my family has a lot of stress, so eating right and exercising are pretty low on my to do list right now.  So no...no I have not lost weight.

I then instead of seeing her "compliment" as a compliment I see it as more patronization which could totally be the cynical side of me coming out but my inner dialogue goes to "Oh!  You think because I am overweight obviously I am trying to lose weight and if you tell me that I look smaller it will make my day?"  All it makes me think is that you think I am fat and obviously the only way I have any self worth is if I appear slim.  I have to say...not so much.  It just makes me think that you are focused on appearances and you should broaden your scope a little further.

There are horribly skinny people, there are morbidly obese people, there are people with disfiguring acne, there are people with thin hair, there are people big noses, there are people with any manner of things that make them different from the "Norm" Who wants to be normal anyway?  I have a friend that wants to be normal because she has medical problems she is tired of dealing with but she is one of  the most vivacious loving characters in my book of life.  I love to have random bump in to her moments because she gets her joy all over me!

Today I challenge you to love yourself right where you are. Of course we all need to have goals, we should want to better ourselves but you also need to know that you are good enough today.  You can bring joy to another person not by commenting on their appearance but by just generally being happy to see them, remembering their name, asking a relevant question that applies to them.  Be the joy that someone is needing today.

Go out...Be kind!

25th reunion

In two weeks time, I will be attending my 25th reunion.  I have been pondering all that this means in my world.  25 years has passed since I graduated from college.  I am middle aged.  Weren't the Middle Ages bad like filled with dungeons and dragons and stuff?  I mean if I would live to be 100 I am not quite there yet but let's be real 100 is a stretch, especially with my inability to eat right and exercise and floss for goodness sake.

I will go.  I will wish I was 100 pounds lighter.  I will wish I would have cured cancer.  I will wish I would have tried harder at that whole winning the noble peace prize thing, but I'm not, I didn't and I am pretty sure I am not even on their radar.

Here is the thing though, these are the people that were with me the first four years of my new life.  The life where I was Erika, not Jim and Norma's daughter, not Eureka, not little league.  I was Erika, the weird girl (I embraced it.)

I have to say I am way more interesting than that Erika was.  I have matured (somewhat). I have had life experiences, and while I don't have regrets necessarily I do have things that I would have done completely differently if only I had known.  I hate the cringy memories.  The things that are burned in my memory that I didn't necessarily mean the way that they were interpreted.  I hate the missed opportunities, the things I didn't do but wish I had but was too scared.

I wish I would have looked farther into the future than just I want to get married and have kids.  I am trying to help my own children navigate those waters.  Do not live your life anticipating the next step, live in the present.  Enjoy the here and now.  Go out...Be kind!

Funerals are not fun.

If something were to happen to you tomorrow that devastated you, took your job away, all of your material possessions...gone. Would there be people left by your side or do you only have people in your life that are there for how you make them feel, for what you bring to the party ?

Any time I go to a funeral, I am always fascinated not only by the words that the speakers say but by how many or who is in attendance. If it is an elderly person is there still a large crowd or did they only have friends and family that are mostly gone now. Does the speaker talk about the person and specifics regarding the deceased's life or can you tell that the speaker did not know the person and this is just a canned funeral speech that is in need of some editing.

Funerals can make me extremely sad but not for the reason that the person died necessarily. In that instance I am a little jealous that they get to move on to Glory and leave this messed up world behind. Funerals can make me sad because it makes me wonder about my own life choices. Am I investing enough in those around me so that I will be remembered after I am gone and not even so that I am remembered but did I make enough of a difference that people notice my absence?

My grandparents did. Their funerals had lines that wrapped around the funeral home. They invested in others. My father did. His funeral was standing room only and had an overflow room. His life's work was helping families who had children with disabilities.

I recently heard on the news about a man who was very wealthy, made some mistakes with his practice and now could possibly lose everything. He was a nice man. The mistakes he made probably came out of greed, my question is will he still have friends? Will the people that surrounded him in his wealth still be there in his sorrow?

I love the saying I would rather have 4 quarters than a hundred pennies. My friendships are important to me, I want to invest in the people that I love. I do not want to live my life so that the perception is that I am fabulous. I actually want to be such an improvement on this world that my absence is felt but more so that I make the world a better place by being in it.  

Life is hard. Hormones are hard. Often times I feel like no one likes me and that I have no friends. That is just the enemy trying to extinguish light.  I remind myself monthly that it's not true. If you feel the same way don't believe the lies. Go out and do something for someone else and I guarantee it will make you feel better.

Go out...Be kind.

Turtle prayers.

I feel I need to start this post with I am a firm believer in prayer.  I know within my heart or hearts that God hears our prayers and has the power to answer them.  However, I also think that God puts us in situations that we have the capability of being someone's answer to prayer.  I digress...

Last night I was driving home with my daughter from soccer practice.  We spotted a turtle in the busy road and it was for sure going to get squished.  My daughter said Please mama, we have to save him!!   I am a mama that believes in trying to do that which my children ask of me so around we went and were soon back to Yurtle, yes, we named him.

I pulled into the center turn lane and pulled up beside him.  I popped out grabbed him and looked up to see a van holding back the traffic for me as I deposited Yurtle safely in the grass.  I was back safely in my car and on my way when my daughter said Oh, you know they are judging us mama.  How embarrassing.  I said honey they don't even know who I am.  My daughter said So, you didn't see who it was?  Nope.

Well, it was a friend of mine, so I texted her and said

Me: Don't judge me.  There's not much I won't do for my kids.
Friend: No judging from me...I seriously love turtles and always say a prayer for them to get across.

Therein the reason for this blog entry.

Again,  I firmly believe that if God wants to answer a prayer about that turtle getting safely across he absolutely 100% can and will, however, he also put me in the car, on that road, with my daughter who saw the turtle, who asked me to turn around and save said turtle and I did so.

This doesn't just work for turtles you know.  You are placed in situations every day that you have the opportunity to be someone's answer to prayer.  People pray for very simple things.  A friend.  Someone to eat lunch with.  Someone to be kind to their child.  Someone to notice them.

We walk around this earth with millions upon millions of opportunities to do the right thing.  To make the difference.  To be someone's answer to prayer.  It's like a giant Easter egg hunt of how can you make someone smile today.  Absolutely pray for God to change this world for the better, but please understand one of the ways he is doing that is you!

Go out...Be kind.

Mastering the mowing machine.

Picture this:


Rain is coming.  Son is at his aunts house to get her grass mowed before the rain hits.  Husband is trying to get our yard mowed before the rain hits I see what I have to do...I'm gonna mow.  Please understand I am not stranger to the mowing.  I have done it for years it's just since I have a son that mows I haven't had to as much and the husband had purchased a new lawn mower.



I started out pushing the mower and thought wow...I'm not sure I like this it is really hard to push it must be really heavy duty.  I come around for a second time only to look up and see the husband shaking his head.  I got to him, motioned for me to stop and verily...I did.



Honey, do you understand that this is a self propelled lawn mower.  Long story short: No.  So he shows me the little switch and away we go.  Have you ever mowed with a self propelled mower?  It's kind of like being used to walking a gerbil and then somebody handing you a Great Dane that has seen a cat.  I attempt to tame the beast a few times around the yard only to look up and again see my betrothed staring at me half laughing half frustrated.  I again get the symbol to stop.



Sweetheart.  You have to use the torque to your advantage and you need to make sure that the two front wheels stay on the ground.  "Use the torque".  What now?  He said it as if I would have a clue of what he spoke.  I then proceeded  to mow the rest of the front yard being manhandled by a runaway mower all while singing a variation of a selection from the Hello Dolly play entitled Don't put your hand in there.


The yard kind of looked mowed, kind of looked like a three year old who had given themselves a haircut with safety scissors.  I am thankful for my son and his ability to mow. 

A letter of apology for some of the things I have done.

I have to say the fact that we are now digging into people's long buried past and pulling out their skeletons to parade around for all to see and crucifying them for things that they may or may not have done is troubling at best.

It was 30 years ago.  It was a different world.  There was a lot of hairspray.  Bad choices were made.

I have a list of things that I would like to apologize for.

I would like to apologize for the hole that I put in the ozone with the amount of hairspray that I used in order to make my bangs stay "just so".  I apologize.

I would like to apologize to the fly who lost his life by flying into said bangs and not being able to get out because he was trapped in a maze of sticky hair.  I apologize.

I would like to apologize for the one time that I wore a bikini.  I have seen the pictures.  It was wrong.  I apologize.

I would like to apologize for my highly unfortunate resting face,  my HURF as it were, I am not a very outgoing person in situations that I am not comfortable so pretty much the high school years there is more than likely an entire section of the population that assumes me to be a very angry individual.  I apologize.

I would like to apologize for my favorite pair of jeans in high school that were more like skin than they were fabric.  They were a bad choice.  I have seen the error my ways.  I apologize.

There are a lot of things I would like to do different in my life, but I can never go back, only forward.  See the error of your ways and move on.  Apologize if need be.  Make right the wrongs.  Learn from it.  Regrets do nothing but steal joy.  You can't do anything about what happened but you can allow the life lesson to effect the way you live your life.

Go out...Be kind.

Put your back into it!

I am concerned for our country.  It seems that people that are unqualified to hold public office are being voted in because they are popular, cool, good with social media.  I feel that if you are going to hold public office you should have to be able to pass a test first.  You know how they make you pass a test to become a citizen?  Well, that, only like that on steroids. Like you have to be able to name all the capitols of all of the countries and their leaders and why their leaders are important and what their leaders are allergic to and why you don't want to tick them off or how you could tick them off if you offered them chicken.  Being a politician is not just a role to be taken lightly.  It isn't about me me me, it is about how can we make the world work together so we don't all blow each other up.  It is not being the parents that buy your kid drugs and beer because they want them, it is being the parent that says drugs are bad and here is why and here is a picture of what happens to your lungs if you smoke and now write a paper on how nicotine effects your colon.

My husband is one of these people.  I would 100% vote for him but he would never run want to know why?  People.  People are annoying.  If we continue to bully our politicians rather than support them this world is going to hell in a handbasket.  I'm not saying let them do whatever they want.  I'm saying put the people into office that stand for what you stand for.  Don't just tell them what they are doing bad. Tell them what they are doing good.  Be active in your freedom.

This world is not going to get better if we expect that we vote and then everything will get fixed.  We have to put in the elbow grease.  We have to help our fellow man.  We have to see a problem and fix it NOT TAKE A PIC OF IT AND COMPLAIN THAT NOTHING IS BEING DONE ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA!!!  Get out of your armchair quarterback position and put your back into it.  This world is not going to get fixed in Washington.

Go out...Be kind.

What am I going to be when they grow up?

All I ever wanted to be in my life was a mom.  Oh sure, I got my college degree, I had a job.  I had my own life but even when I was working people would tell me "You are going to be a great mom!"  I was drawn toward kids.  I loved them and was silly and cartoonish enough to not frighten the crap out of them.
I was 29 when I had my first child and 31 when I had my last.  I have loved every stage of motherhood.  I have to say it is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done.  It isn't easy to give up yourself for another human being especially when they don't know how much they should be appreciating it.
Would I do anything differently?  Absolutely!  I wouldn't do it so differently that I didn't end up with the two humans that I have been blessed with, however, because they are pretty fantastic.  It is what we are aiming to do as parents, right?  To create humans that are an honorable addition to society?
The thing is, they are about to be done with high school.  They will go off to college and start their own lives that they do not need me meddling in and if I have done my job right they certainly won't want me to do every little thing for them.  So, what is to become of me now?
The job I once had is no longer of interest to me it just seems so frivolous and without merit.  I want to do great things but my degree is 25 years old and outdated, antiquated even.  I do still love small children don't get me wrong but I am old and tired.
Do I go back to school?  Seems daunting.  Start a youtube channel about my crazy life? Too boring. I am sitting here looking at the next stage of my life with absolutely no idea what it's going to look like.  In years past at least I could say these are the grades my kids are going to be in, this is where I am going to be working, this is who my circle of friends will be.  Not so much with this next step.
It will all be fine.  It is most definitely a lesson in trust.  I am confident that God can use this mess of a human to do something for the kingdom.  I am just feeling a little overwhelmed by it today.  So, remember baby steps.  Keep moving forward.  We are all just trying to get to the finish line.  Most importantly...Go out...Be kind!

It takes more than that.

If you have come to a stage in your life where you have allowed the pounds to creep up around your mid section and body fat is by far greater than muscle mass you might know a fun fact.  One can not just buy a lean trim body.  You have to eat things that make you sad and exercise far more than is typically natural to do so.  It also doesn't happen over night.  You have to be consistent and it will take time.  You will find that if you look at a cookie you will gain 5 pounds and you will get frustrated and if you do not persevere you will not be successful.  It's as simple as that.  You can not just invest your money you must also invest your time.  

It is the same with life.  Do you walk in to a restaurant and hand your server a $20 bill and expect that they know what you want?  Your food will just magically appear on the table before you? No, that's ridiculous you of course must tell her what you want first and then she will bring you your order, you will eat it, pay, and leave.  You have to play an active role.  

How about dating/marriage?  Do you walk up to someone you find attractive and say ok we are married now.  No, of course not, Well.  Ok.  Some cultures do, but not most.  You have to have common interests,.  You date, you fight, you make up, you decide that this person is who you are willing to be selfless for and you start a life with them.  You invest yourself into the relationship so that it can be made better.  If you simply invest money and not time the connection will not be a solid one.  

You have to be an active player in the world around you if you want it to be better.  You can not simply look at the bad things that are happening and expect them to get better.  You have to invest of yourself in them.  You have to give of your time and your money to make the world a better place.  

Go out...Be kind.