Daddy's death has reminded me of something I hold dear.
I grew up at Woodlawn Christian Church from age 5 until I left for college. After college, when I moved back to Knoxville I didn't want to go to Woodlawn any more because I felt like it was my parent's church and that I would never feel like an adult there. I chose a church very similar to Woodlawn and went there for over 20 years. I have to say I never felt plugged in. Don't get me wrong I volunteered and I tried classes, I taught Wee worship, I went to the weekly meals but it just never seemed right. We moved to a mega church a few years ago and I absolutely love the preaching. Love...Love...Love. My children love their youth groups. Love...Love...Love.
The thing is IT'S SO BIG!!!! If I were to miss no one would notice. They are never going to call down from the stage something about me and the audience know exactly what they are talking about. None of the preachers know me enough to have even come to daddy's funeral and that made me sad.
My entire life I have been Jim Pierson's daughter, and trust me in the Christian church "Jim Pierson" is an adjective. My daddy was a huge presence known all over the world for his work with disability ministry. We could not go anywhere without daddy knowing someone. Getting out of church to go to lunch on a Sunday was IMPOSSIBLE!!! We would have to physically drag him from the building.
I had gotten used to my anonymous life. No one knew me for what I had always been known for. They only knew me for me. I mean I'm okay and all but not the super star that daddy was. Speaking for large crowds, on television, writing books, teaching courses, seminars, daddy got around, only then he died, and I read his obituary and I stood for hours while people paid their respects and told me hundreds of beautiful things my father had done for them.
I want to make my daddy proud. I want to make change in this sucktacular world. I want to be a light! I want my preacher to know my name. My mother said I should start going to Woodlawn again. She said she would love to have us there and that they have a great youth group. I could totally do that. I have to tell you that there were so many familiar loving faces that knew me by name and hugged me and made me feel loved that there is a part of me that thinks that might be an option. Absolutely. The thing is I currently don't feel like that is the best move for me and my family. The church I am a member of currently is convicting me, it is filling me, it is teaching me, it just doesn't know how awesome I am!! Kidding...kinda. I just want it to use me!
I want to serve my church as my parents did before me. I want to feel like I have a place. God knows where he wants me, needs me to serve. He will place me exactly where he wants me. I will serve him by Going out....Being kind.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Daddy story #2
My daddy did not like anyone to be unhappy. If I were to come to him complaining about a bad day and have a whole list of multiple things that had gone wrong he would patiently listen and then he would say but everything is going to be ok right?
This would frustrate me, I felt like if I were to say to him daddy I have lost all of my appendages, I have no job , and everyone around me hates me he would say something like but you are alive. It was maddening sometimes. The thing is though...he's right.
You can absolutely focus on the bad. You can look at a day and pick out all the horrible things that have happened and fill your life with negative surly thoughts. By all means feel free it will be simple to do. Problem with that train of thought is that it derails into a fiery crash of self pity and loathing and that train goes no where but the junkyard.
Instead how about you focus on the positive. Start basic. Do you have a pulse? Are you breathing? Get a little more complicated do you have a roof over your head? Is your tummy fed? If you answered yes to these guess what you are more blessed than most of the people on this planet. Now, take those blessings that have been heaped on your head and go out and figure out how you can help someone else out of the pit of despair. Funny thing about doing nice things for sad people even when you are sad...they make you both happy.
Go out...Be kind.
This would frustrate me, I felt like if I were to say to him daddy I have lost all of my appendages, I have no job , and everyone around me hates me he would say something like but you are alive. It was maddening sometimes. The thing is though...he's right.
You can absolutely focus on the bad. You can look at a day and pick out all the horrible things that have happened and fill your life with negative surly thoughts. By all means feel free it will be simple to do. Problem with that train of thought is that it derails into a fiery crash of self pity and loathing and that train goes no where but the junkyard.
Instead how about you focus on the positive. Start basic. Do you have a pulse? Are you breathing? Get a little more complicated do you have a roof over your head? Is your tummy fed? If you answered yes to these guess what you are more blessed than most of the people on this planet. Now, take those blessings that have been heaped on your head and go out and figure out how you can help someone else out of the pit of despair. Funny thing about doing nice things for sad people even when you are sad...they make you both happy.
Go out...Be kind.
Daddy story #1
Sometimes these posts are more about stories I want to remember for myself and less about having a message to put out there. This is one from my daddy's funeral that I want to remember.
I don't cry much. I have cried twice about daddy's death. You need to understand that it is not because I didn't love my daddy I loved him so so very much. My parents are and always have been two of my closest friends and confidants. I was a homebody in school and they are fun people so it was a no brainer.
One time that I cried was in Bradley's. Bradley's is a little chocolate shop made up of the most beautiful people. Bradley's is my Cheers bar. You know how sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name? That is Bradleys to me. I knew that they had made these things called snowballs which are a chocolate covered caramel stuffed with marshmellow rolled in coconut. Daddy would love that!!! I went in to get them and the place was packed. It was right before Christmas and I couldn't find any more snowballs. As I waited in line to ask my friend Shea if there were anymore I started getting emotional. I was thinking about how I liked to bring my daddy little treats like this and what if they didn't have any more and what if he passed and I wouldn't ever be able to bring him little treats ever again and the tears started. I looked up at the ceiling trying to get them to go back in. I waited and I waited in line hoping to not lose it.
It was my turn I choked out what I needed to Shea and it was so loud in there she didn't realize my voice cracked she jokingly said that they didn't have anymore...cue waterworks...I asked for his favorite treat she asked how many and she looked up and realized what was going down. I paid, she hugged me and I ran to my car.
Next up was the day of the burial. I lost it when I saw daddy's casket over the hole. It all seemed so final, so real. This was not supposed to be happening. Daddy was fine less than a month before. Ok sure there were little signs but I thought he needed a knee replacement and was being stubborn about it and the pain was making him grouchy.
The preacher at my parent's church started to tell a story about my daddy. It was a story about how there was drama in the church and some of the elders had gone to a families house. The family was upset with the church over something and they verbally attacked my father. My father who has never been anything but kind to anyone in his life. He took it like a man, did not retaliate and was kind to these people. The story went on and on about how my father was attacked, but my daddy did not react as he rightfully should have he showed God's love. The preacher paused for a moment and there was silence. I said loudly, "Oh, I'm going to need some names." and everyone laughed. The preacher said in horror I can't tell you that! I said I know you don't know me that well but I don't do tears. I do laughter. This had gotten way too serious for me. He continued on.
We all went back to the church for some treats and so many people came up to hug me and said that if I ever found out who it was they would go with me! These are my people, they understand my humor.
I thought of one more time that I cried. It was the day that I saw my daddy's PET scan. My daddy had 3 tumors in his lungs, too numerous to count lesions on his brain, the cancer was in his prostate, his spine, pretty much every where. My husband who works in the PET field said that he should have had pain, he should have been a whole lot more debilitated than he was, but that was my daddy. He didn't tell you the bad. He told you the good and focused on that, and that my friends is the topic of the next story to remember my daddy's last days... Thank you for listening...Go out...Be kind.
I don't cry much. I have cried twice about daddy's death. You need to understand that it is not because I didn't love my daddy I loved him so so very much. My parents are and always have been two of my closest friends and confidants. I was a homebody in school and they are fun people so it was a no brainer.
One time that I cried was in Bradley's. Bradley's is a little chocolate shop made up of the most beautiful people. Bradley's is my Cheers bar. You know how sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name? That is Bradleys to me. I knew that they had made these things called snowballs which are a chocolate covered caramel stuffed with marshmellow rolled in coconut. Daddy would love that!!! I went in to get them and the place was packed. It was right before Christmas and I couldn't find any more snowballs. As I waited in line to ask my friend Shea if there were anymore I started getting emotional. I was thinking about how I liked to bring my daddy little treats like this and what if they didn't have any more and what if he passed and I wouldn't ever be able to bring him little treats ever again and the tears started. I looked up at the ceiling trying to get them to go back in. I waited and I waited in line hoping to not lose it.
It was my turn I choked out what I needed to Shea and it was so loud in there she didn't realize my voice cracked she jokingly said that they didn't have anymore...cue waterworks...I asked for his favorite treat she asked how many and she looked up and realized what was going down. I paid, she hugged me and I ran to my car.
Next up was the day of the burial. I lost it when I saw daddy's casket over the hole. It all seemed so final, so real. This was not supposed to be happening. Daddy was fine less than a month before. Ok sure there were little signs but I thought he needed a knee replacement and was being stubborn about it and the pain was making him grouchy.
The preacher at my parent's church started to tell a story about my daddy. It was a story about how there was drama in the church and some of the elders had gone to a families house. The family was upset with the church over something and they verbally attacked my father. My father who has never been anything but kind to anyone in his life. He took it like a man, did not retaliate and was kind to these people. The story went on and on about how my father was attacked, but my daddy did not react as he rightfully should have he showed God's love. The preacher paused for a moment and there was silence. I said loudly, "Oh, I'm going to need some names." and everyone laughed. The preacher said in horror I can't tell you that! I said I know you don't know me that well but I don't do tears. I do laughter. This had gotten way too serious for me. He continued on.
We all went back to the church for some treats and so many people came up to hug me and said that if I ever found out who it was they would go with me! These are my people, they understand my humor.
I thought of one more time that I cried. It was the day that I saw my daddy's PET scan. My daddy had 3 tumors in his lungs, too numerous to count lesions on his brain, the cancer was in his prostate, his spine, pretty much every where. My husband who works in the PET field said that he should have had pain, he should have been a whole lot more debilitated than he was, but that was my daddy. He didn't tell you the bad. He told you the good and focused on that, and that my friends is the topic of the next story to remember my daddy's last days... Thank you for listening...Go out...Be kind.
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Tips to look after your wife
I recently read an extract from a 1950's home economics book entitled Tips to look after your husband. All of the "tips" seem outrageous in this day and age of shared roles and working mothers. I thought I would update it a little...
Tips to look after your wife:
Have dinner ready
Plan ahead, even the week before, to have any type of sustenance necessary with you when you arrive home. Don't forget to remember her favorite beverage exactly the way she likes it. Do not complain about the cost of eating out often just understand that she has had to deal with all manners of bodily fluids throughout her day and count yourself lucky that you did not.
Prepare yourself
Take a moment to think of a fun game or craft to do with your young children when you get home so that your wife can have a few moments to herself. She has had your spawn all to herself for the past 8 hours be a man and take 30 min so that your wife can go to the bathroom alone.
Clear away the clutter
Notice that the breakfast and lunch dishes are still on the table. Move them to the dishwasher and start the machine. Do not just move them to the sink as this does nothing except make another job for your lovely wife. This will clear the kitchen for the evening meal and calm the evening for everyone.
Prepare the children
Make sure that the activity that you have chosen is calm and soothing. Do not get the children excitable or loud as this only heightens your spouses stress level. Have the children wash their hands, make sure that they have a clean diaper and clothing. Bodily fluids are stressful to your wife eliminate any that might bring her discomfort.
Minimise all noise
Children should be seen but not heard. If you are going to play a game that involves tickling or loud laughter make sure that you can go outside to do so. The home is a sanctuary noise should be kept to a minimum.
Some don'ts
Don't greet her with problems or complaints. Don't complain about long hours or short deadlines. Count this as minor compared with what she might have gone through that day.
Make her comfortable.
Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest she lie down in the bedroom. This is the time to hand her the specially crafted beverage that you have brought home for her. Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her shoes. Speak in a low, soft soothing and pleasant voice. Allow her to relax - unwind.
Of course this is ridiculous, of course every family is different. Every one has hard parts to their day. It is our job to love our family members and make sure that their load is light. Many hands make the load light. Look to see how you can help and do so.
More importantly....Go out...Be kind!! Happy Valentines day everyone!!
Tips to look after your wife:
Have dinner ready
Plan ahead, even the week before, to have any type of sustenance necessary with you when you arrive home. Don't forget to remember her favorite beverage exactly the way she likes it. Do not complain about the cost of eating out often just understand that she has had to deal with all manners of bodily fluids throughout her day and count yourself lucky that you did not.
Prepare yourself
Take a moment to think of a fun game or craft to do with your young children when you get home so that your wife can have a few moments to herself. She has had your spawn all to herself for the past 8 hours be a man and take 30 min so that your wife can go to the bathroom alone.
Clear away the clutter
Notice that the breakfast and lunch dishes are still on the table. Move them to the dishwasher and start the machine. Do not just move them to the sink as this does nothing except make another job for your lovely wife. This will clear the kitchen for the evening meal and calm the evening for everyone.
Prepare the children
Make sure that the activity that you have chosen is calm and soothing. Do not get the children excitable or loud as this only heightens your spouses stress level. Have the children wash their hands, make sure that they have a clean diaper and clothing. Bodily fluids are stressful to your wife eliminate any that might bring her discomfort.
Minimise all noise
Children should be seen but not heard. If you are going to play a game that involves tickling or loud laughter make sure that you can go outside to do so. The home is a sanctuary noise should be kept to a minimum.
Some don'ts
Don't greet her with problems or complaints. Don't complain about long hours or short deadlines. Count this as minor compared with what she might have gone through that day.
Make her comfortable.
Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest she lie down in the bedroom. This is the time to hand her the specially crafted beverage that you have brought home for her. Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her shoes. Speak in a low, soft soothing and pleasant voice. Allow her to relax - unwind.
Of course this is ridiculous, of course every family is different. Every one has hard parts to their day. It is our job to love our family members and make sure that their load is light. Many hands make the load light. Look to see how you can help and do so.
More importantly....Go out...Be kind!! Happy Valentines day everyone!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)