pitty party

I have found myself on the other end of needing help lately.  As in, I have needed someone to help me. I am not a very good receiver.  I would much rather be the giver any day of the week.  I have found, however, that apparently givers are rare, or at least they have been in my need situations.  The part that is frustrating is that in no less that 4 situations that come quickly to mind I had gone above and beyond just recently.  Please do not read this as I am expecting something for the favor that I did for these people, that is not at all why I did the things I did.  I did the things I did because I wanted to help.  I expected nothing.  I still expect nothing, and I did not bring up to these people the fact that they should return the favor as there was no favor to be returned.

It isn't until I sit here in my state of need and think about it that it frustrates me.  In some cases, the favor that I needed paled in comparison to the favor that I had bestowed upon them.  How very frustrating it is to feel that you were used, or taken advantage of.

Heres the thing.  Like I said I did not do these things for praise or for recognition or even for something in return.  I did these things because I feel God has blessed me many times over and I am to serve his people lovingly and without reservation.

I have figured out all of my issues without the help of these people and while the cynical part of me thought for just a second how very nice it would be for them to need my assistance again so that I could turn them down, the real me knows that I shouldn't think like that.  I should remain positive, I should remain kind, I should remain loving.  I should get over my pettiness and serve God's people.

My husband comforted me by saying Jesus didn't want to die on the cross for our sins, he didn't want to take on God's wrath but he did and aren't we all glad he didn't say Sucks to be you!

So I will go out, and I will put on my smile, and I will get over my frustrations and I will be thankful that Jesus loved me enough to go above and beyond and I will strive to do the same.