Watch what you say.

I am overweight.  I haven't always been overweight.  Growing up I was pretty well lined up with a nice size for my height and when I went to college all of my "numbers" were excellent according to my health teacher of my mandatory elective freshman year.

I'm not sure exactly what happened after I went away to college.  I assume it was that I was then responsible for my dining choices whereas before I left for college I just ate whatever my mother put in front of me.   I gained and lost all throughout college and then when I was engaged to be married I plummeted.  I wasn't trying.  I think it was just the stress of planning a wedding and was I making the right decision for THE REST OF MY LIFE. I don't know what it was but I look back at those pictures and even though I thought I was fat I was a stick.

After my first child, I was able to get back down to a nice weight before I figured out I was pregnant again and then after the birth of my second child I have to say it has all been up hill from there.  I have gradually increased over the last few years to the point that I am now at the weight I was when I gave birth to my first child.  Not good.

I am conscious of it.  I am trying to get it off, but in my 40's it just isn't as easy to come off as it was in my 30's.  I am faced with weird hormonal changes and depression which I have never been confronted with before.  I am extremely hard on myself and while I might show a happy spirit to the world I am really struggling with this.

One of my pleasures in life is food, so when I take a pleasure away from myself it makes me sad which leads to more depression and its just a vicious cycle.

The thing is though that I can't do this anymore.  I don't want to be this size.  You are treated differently when you are overweight.  I never thought it to be true but it totally is.

I guess the reason I am writing this is that I have something I want to say.  I am not sure how this process is going to look for me, with a bum ankle my workout regime is going to be limited at best.

However, I want you to remember as you go about your day.  You never know what people are struggling with.  Be it weight, or insecurities, be it infertility or loneliness you have no clue what someone you run into is struggling with.  So don't take their negative attitude personally.  If they are hateful to you then be the more mature person and realize it might have nothing to do with you, and all that person might need to turn their life around is a kind word.

I would also like to take this moment to say that if your BMI is in the normal range and you come at me with blah blah blah I'm fat or blah blah blah my butt is big. I will not be responsible for the jack slap that will be taking place.  I've got 50 pounds to get off.  So...bite me.