I am an emotional train wreck.

I am here to tell you if this is what hormonal imbalance looks like, it ain't pretty.

I sat down to eat my lunch here at home by myself as I often do and I turned on the television as I often do for a little entertainment whilst I eat my lunch.  The movie The Notebook was on.  I have a love hate relationship with this movie.  I loved the book.  I read the book when I was way more hormonally stable.

There is a scene in this movie that gets me every time.  If you haven't seen it the movie is a love story within a love story.  One love story is of two young people and the other is of a man who is reading the story to his wife who is suffering from dementia and doesn't know him.  The scene that gets me is she recognizes him for a brief moment and he is so happy that she recognizes him and then as quickly as that recognition came it is gone.  She gets scared and pushes him away and he is crying while doctors and nurses try to subdue her.

I am sobbing at this point.  Not even for the movie but for the reality of it all.  What a horrible disease dementia is and how it robs us of our beautiful memories.  I then go into how quickly my children are zooming through childhood and how brief life is and how I don't want to be put in a home and how sad it is for those who have no one who loves them enough to care!

See.  Train. Wreck.

I do this sometimes.  I have a very "what is it all for" frame of mind that I get into and I can't wrap my mind around what seems to be my very small part in this grand scheme of things.  What am I doing for the betterment of the kingdom as we know it?

I'll tell you what I'm going to tell myself.  I am raising two beautiful children.  I am teaching them to respect others.  To be kind.  To love others.  I am not perfect at it but I take great joy in the fact that I am their mother.  God has a plan for me and he has a plan for the two children that he has placed  into my care and I need to raise them so that they are ready for their purpose.

Life might seem repetitive.  Life might seem hard.  Life is not always joyous.  Remember that you are loved.  Not as anything that you have ever seen before.  Loved greater than you can even imagine and hold tight to that remembering that no matter what you think you don't know because you can not see the big picture.

God is larger than any of your trials and your trials are only training you how to be a better you.
Know that you are loved sweet friends.