And away we go!!!

So, I'm finally coming up for air. Life is still completely crazy but there are at least a few pockets of time that I can grab onto as ME time. I have decided to write a blog so that I feel at least somewhat productive with my personal time. I mean I could play solitaire or some sort of puzzle game and I could justify that by saying that I am keeping my mind sharp for my later years, but then what would I have to show for that? I would be really good at solitaire? Whoopee. I could completely clean and organize my house but the second that someone came home and trashed it my eye would start to twitch there would be a flash of light and the next thing I would remember is the paramedic asking me if I knew my name. So, that's no good.

So, I am starting a blog. While I hope people will read it that is not at all why I am doing it. Why are you doing it you might say? Well, I'm so glad you asked and I will now tell you that random voice in my head. See, that would be the reason. When I left work 8 1/2 years ago I went from traveling about two weeks of every month and having every moment of my day filled with adult conversation and interesting tidbits of day to day life. If I wanted to go for a walk I went for a walk. If I wanted to go to dinner with a friend I went to dinner with a friend. I controlled my social calendar and all that was on it. If I needed to work late I didn't need to create a taskforce to take care of anything I just worked late.

Once the kids came along that all changed. I can remember standing in my driveway as a friend drove away after seeing my first baby for the first time and feeling completely alone. I wasn't alone, I had my precious newborn in my arms but something was missing and I felt guilty for having any sort of thought of loneliness because my precious child was a human and he was right there. Guilt. It has played a large roll in alot of my issues but we will touch on that later.

Adult conversation! That is what was missing! We were post 9/11 at this point and my husband was very protective of his new family. He didn't want me going out much and he didn't want me getting the mail because of the anthrax. I need to stop right here and tell you. I love my husband. He is wonderfully overprotective of his family. Sometimes it annoys me but it always shows me how much he loves us and doesn't want anything to hurt us. I will probably touch on him alot in this blog because he is alot of my world and I want to come right out and say I love my husband he is a wonderful support and provider for this family and any of my complaints or good natured ribbing are surface only.

I lived about a half an hour away from where I worked at that time and most of the people that I worked with had either already left the sinking ship that was where we worked or they were so busy trying to bail the water out that they didn't have time to come out and sit with a highly hormonal crazy person. I understood that and I was okay with it, but it started the alienation. I tried a Mother goose group and didn't connect with anyone there. I tried a MOPS group and didn't really connect there either. I had several neighbors that I loved and still do to this day, but it was still a crazy whirlwind of loneliness and guilt and let's just say it is nice to have the winds die down a little bit.

My kids are both in school this year. They were both in school last year too but for some reason that year is a blur. I'm not sure why it just was. So, I am starting this now. I am going to only allow myself a certain amount of computer time a morning so that I can get this house in tip top shape and stay involved at my kids school.

I am a person that has a strange sense of humor and I love to make people laugh. Sometimes my posts will be funny but not always. I have noticed alot of people hurting around me lately and so sometimes I will try to encourage randomly. I'm going to cheat. I'm going to post some of my favorite rants that I have already been writing.

I'm going to be very random on here. I'm not going to mention specifics about where I am or my kids names just because I am a little weird about that. I hope this is helpful to others but mainly it is to place my rantings in an appropriate place. I think I scare people sometimes. If an adult actually talks to me in the real world I typically monopolize the conversation because it feels so good to talk to another human. Hopefully this will curb that craving and I can be human again.

I would love to hear if I have helped or made you laugh or what not. I hope this is a blessing to others. We will see where it goes....and away we go!